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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: How can I not love youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AutumnLeaves
    ASL Info:    26/f/ Cyprus
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 95/103/44
    Words: 136
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 444
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 882



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHow can I not love youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    How can I not love you?
    You are like a half poem,
    I havenít finished yet.
    Words become a midnight struggle,
    their simple beauty is not enough.
    My love grows stronger
    as you touch the inexpressible in me.
    No thought of mine can resist
    your sweet vague potential,
    the roses I will never see or smell
    but have them as a blurry painting in my mind.
    How can I not love you?
    Your meanings seek a frail translation
    in my heart,
    which cannot deliver what
    it somehow understands.
    You are that unfinished poem
    I canít renounce,
    all those mysterious words
    that would awake my dream.
    All those unwritten endings that could have offered peace.
    How can I not love you?
    Your love is a four letter word I cannot read but feel.





    Submitted on 2011-09-26 15:20:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I have just now come upon your work and find it lovely. This is lovely. How could I not love it? I'm glad I stumbled this way on this sleepless night of mine.

    Thank you.

    Jane
    | Posted on 2011-10-11 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey :)

    I intended to go through your stuff and pick out a poem I particularly liked, instead I found this, it being the next poem I clicked on, and I should say, I like this.

    I like it for the potential it contains and the poems within, also- because I can relate to it.

    I'm sorry, the idea was to come along, find a piece I liked, compliment you on your stuff, relate back to you what I liked about your stuff. Instead, I'm here, I clicked on this.

    :

    I think that a part of what makes a good poem is timing/pacing, that interjection/ dispersion of human aspect to go along with an idea or to promote or service a transition. What I think would service this poem and aid with those transitions would be if
    you were to think of it as seven, or however many, different poems. I think if you do that then it may help with specificity and the sharpening of, because with this poem I don't think that there is all that much missing, just that what's here could use some definition.

    looking at the first section.

    How can I not love you?
    Incumbent, a half poem,
    I have not finished yet; then

    words become a midnight struggle,
    their simple beauty, not enough.

    &, just with the introduction of that one word I think it adds to the story you are telling. I think, with that, it's ok to have three nots in a stanza and that, with that, the rest of the stanza requires 'simple' adjustments, but I think with the addition it adds a richness to the story because the person could be writing the poem, reading the poem, sitting next to
    the person of the poem.

    in a typically blunt kind of way I suggest to you incumbent to suggest to you, very much so, I get what you are saying. & what I like about this poem is that there is that kind of potential and that kind of sharpness and happening so that you can score a point on every line.

    I don't want to come along and say this or suggest this for the whole of the poem just that if it were mine I could spend hours and hours working on that (for the fun of it) and that, because it is yours I find it fascinating, all the way through.

    How can I not love you?
    Your meanings seek a frail translation
    in my heart,
    which cannot deliver what
    it somehow understands.

    I thought this part was particularly fine. It's not that the meanings seek a frail translation. The Idea of meanings V frail translation is just excellent.

    It creates a disturbance
    because how can a meaning seek a frail translation and so it's not what you, the narrator, are saying, it's what you are managing to convey.

    I am saying that in promoting the conundrum you highlight the actualization. emoting, this is lovely. When I look at that, when I buy into it, and i see, after the fact that the writer has been playing dumb, i appreciate that, for unlocking the feeling, and think that he or she has the smartest of pants.
    | Posted on 2011-09-28 00:00:00 | by lameboyofhameln | [ Reply to This ]
      really like the translation part...

    this could have been really sappy and boring...but it is not...

    you really worded this nicely....
    "you are a half poem i haven't finished yet"

    love that part...

    i also like the repetition of the question..and how you ended this..

    a comfortable poem..

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-09-26 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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