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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Ectophiledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 182
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 374
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1190



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEctophiledots
    -------------------------------------------





    I hear insane whales sing of death in dirges.
    It reminds me of my ghostly urges.
    It is fundamental
    and some would say it's just wrong.
    I love the ghost inside her
    but not the body where it belongs.
    She pretends to be an ordinary girl
    as she falls       -up-       into my arms.

    Were I to cut her into pieces
    and boney little bits?
    She would still be a haunt to me
    and that's the size of it.

    One taste of her heavenly form
    is sweeter than black nymphetamine.
    It burns me to glow
    a sickly waxen sheen.
    She makes the worst of my emotions
    a part of our devotions.

    You may believe
    the world is full of hometown hotties
    and every one divine.
    But my little hottie
    is ectoplasmicly
    subslime.

    Scalpel, scalpel shinning bright
    first scalpel you see tonight.
    Makes a grin ear to ear,
    last whisper that you hear?
    I love you dead       my dear.




    Submitted on 2011-09-30 16:01:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Aspiring serial killer? Ghost fucker? Who are you, DaleP, 53?


    I do like these lines:

    I love the ghost inside her
    but not the body where it belongs.
    She pretends to be an ordinary girl
    as she falls -up- into my arms.

    Although, I don't think you need the dashes and the spaces to separate the "up".

    Mostly though. . . I guess I'm just wondering. . . is this all you have? Rage and rage and more rage? And then some need to make the rage seem funny? (that's why there are the lines about the braces and the rhyme scheme, right? Like you're poking fun at what you've written?).

    I think maybe you should dig deeper. Find the fear that causes the rage and write about that. Just being disturbing for the sake of being disturbing makes the disturbingness (???) lose it's edge. At least for me.

    But I'll admit, I have a hard time with your work.

    I want to like it, but I just find it really creepy and a bit predictable. Kind of like a Hollywood horror flick.

    A lot of people love horror flicks, though. Scaring people with blood and guts is a mulit-million dollar industry.

    It's just that I prefer the psychological thrillers myself. If the danger is there because of someone's pain, it has purpose, it is interesting. It can even be accompanied by a little gore and I can sit through it. But when it's just screaming and blood and some stupid chick walking down to the cellar when you know the killer is there. . . . I just don't see the point.

    I also don't care for the photos/artwork with your poems. IMHO they distract from the words, instead of enhancing them. But perhaps the art is your inspiration. I don't know. Do you find the art first or just find something that you think fits the piece afterward? What is your process?

    I just re-read what I've written here and it sounds a bit mean-spirited. That isn't my intention. I just have this suspicion that you have more to say and I'm interested in knowing what that might be.
    | Posted on 2011-09-30 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]


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