Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Who's the Mothdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BlazeFlamme
    ASL Info:    22/m/TX
    Elite Ratio:    1.81 - 23/160/138
    Words: 194
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 727
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1168



    Description:
       This caterpillar had some incentive. Took a risk and a lot of patience.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWho's the Mothdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I feel like chasing butterflies
    Already have my sights on one
    Get as close as I can
    To where you might land and...
    Now what?

    I can't spread the wings I don't have
    You flutter from one spot to the next
    Always within my view
    (All the while, eyes on you)
    As you dance with suitors of your kind.

    Hard as I try, I can't keep up
    Fourteen legs is not enough
    I would gladly trade in half to
    Share that very sky with you
    So I curl up in a ball and pray

    And then I wait and I wait
    And I hope you're still there
    My mind's sour debate
    Keeps sneaking in
    Sure hope I'm not a moth

    And day by night by today's light
    Sure enough, the air is sweet
    I finally leap into flight
    But no mirrors here to see
    Nor my beauty to be

    I stretch my wings on mission
    I pass many but not you
    So I fly and fly and keep searching
    And after so long, I've found you now
    So now please tell me
    What have I come to be?




    Submitted on 2011-10-01 22:06:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very personal feeling, as though we are there. Quite nice effect, thanks.
    | Posted on 2011-10-02 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      this reminds me of my crush in grade school...

    i adored her at a distance..but felt like the slow dumb caterpillar...she never noticed me...or so i figured..and when i finally became the butterfly...i looked for her...but unfortunately she was long gone...and then i realized...i wasn't the butterfly i thought i was...i was more like the annoying moth...

    i like the way you constructed the story in this poem...nicely done.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-10-01 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    192766

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Push written by JanePlane
    Linger written by saartha
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    One Day written by WriteSomething
    Fasade written by jackz
    written by Daniel Barlow
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Giving written by jjd
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry