[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Seasonal Allergies.dots

    Author: lolaxelmo
    ASL Info:    23/F/IA
    Elite Ratio:    2.96 - 34/37/38
    Words: 123
    Class/Type: Prose/
    Total Views: 574
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 679

       frequently i end up writing prose in chunks like this. i haven't decided how i feel about this yet.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSeasonal Allergies.dots

    and we never want the day to end because perfection can be achieved in nature in which centers wind. even though tomorrow’s dread will arrive like the winter and blizzards that ever evolve each new season following year though we use ladders and good (the expensive kind) tape to make the leaves stick back onto the trees so that autumn can happen over and over. the people rake them up after the reds and yellows fall for the second time but this time they (the people) put them into plastic bags in the shape of pumpkins and jackolanterns with scrowteeth. after a week the leaves stick to the skinny limbs of sickening trees of decay because the people want the autumn to stay.

    Submitted on 2011-10-01 23:05:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I liked this. I feel like I've read about the idea of people sticking leaves back onto trees before, but I like the way you did it. I enjoyed the parentheticals. I thought that this piece gained momentum as it progressed. In fact, I think the first sentence was my least favorite, but that may because I wasn't totally sure what you meant by the phrase "nature in which centers wind" - (wind that causes the leaves to fall?). I really liked the transitions you made between seasons, with blizzards, the beginning of fall, and then later in october. I thought it was interesting you began in first person with "we" and then switched to "the people," and I think you could move back and forth between the two perspectives more if you wanted. The only thing that I felt didn't flow was well was the last sentence with "skinny, sickening, and decay" all together almost made it redundant for me, but it may have just been the structure of the sentence that threw me off. Great title. thanks for sharing.

    | Posted on 2011-10-16 00:00:00 | by tennisfuzz | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    This written by Chelebel
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Push written by JanePlane
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Date night written by expiring_touch




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]