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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Seasonal Allergies.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lolaxelmo
    ASL Info:    23/F/IA
    Elite Ratio:    2.96 - 34/37/38
    Words: 123
    Class/Type: Prose/
    Total Views: 564
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 679



    Description:
       frequently i end up writing prose in chunks like this. i haven't decided how i feel about this yet.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSeasonal Allergies.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    and we never want the day to end because perfection can be achieved in nature in which centers wind. even though tomorrow’s dread will arrive like the winter and blizzards that ever evolve each new season following year though we use ladders and good (the expensive kind) tape to make the leaves stick back onto the trees so that autumn can happen over and over. the people rake them up after the reds and yellows fall for the second time but this time they (the people) put them into plastic bags in the shape of pumpkins and jackolanterns with scrowteeth. after a week the leaves stick to the skinny limbs of sickening trees of decay because the people want the autumn to stay.




    Submitted on 2011-10-01 23:05:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I liked this. I feel like I've read about the idea of people sticking leaves back onto trees before, but I like the way you did it. I enjoyed the parentheticals. I thought that this piece gained momentum as it progressed. In fact, I think the first sentence was my least favorite, but that may because I wasn't totally sure what you meant by the phrase "nature in which centers wind" - (wind that causes the leaves to fall?). I really liked the transitions you made between seasons, with blizzards, the beginning of fall, and then later in october. I thought it was interesting you began in first person with "we" and then switched to "the people," and I think you could move back and forth between the two perspectives more if you wanted. The only thing that I felt didn't flow was well was the last sentence with "skinny, sickening, and decay" all together almost made it redundant for me, but it may have just been the structure of the sentence that threw me off. Great title. thanks for sharing.

    ~jenn
    | Posted on 2011-10-16 00:00:00 | by tennisfuzz | [ Reply to This ]


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