hmm. . . I disagree with my fellow critics. I see a cohesiveness here. I think one stanza speaks to and hints at meanings within the next. And I like the last line very much. I liked that it was a shock.
My favorite lines:
but the sun made us see
in needful reaches
and promised things,
This, for me, could be the basis of a whole separate poem. But it works within this piece as well.
To me, the poem seems to be speaking about the power we have as human beings to create change, or at least inspire it--if only we'd stop wasting our time on regret or silly daydreams. We are more than just blood and guts and the inevitably that is death. We are dynamic, rich beings. But we must fight to make our short lives have meaning.
Of course the poem can also be seen as very tragic, if what the speaker is advocating is actual war. Then yes, our lives will touch others, and change history etc. but what will the legacy be? Terror? Hate?
Or is there really something so sacred, so much MORE than just being human and being alive that it's worth going to war for?
I found this to be a great piece because of how much thought it provoked.
for me, the last line doesn't fit at all with the rest of the poem. it was a shock. also, i don't know if you noticed but the first and second stanzas all have a visible and noticeable space between the first and second words because for the most part you used short, single syllable words. i'd like to see the pattern played throughout the poem, or at least some play with the concept of how it looks on the page.