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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I want to be someone's mother.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 181
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 652
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1105



    Description:
       


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    dotsI want to be someone's mother.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    somewhere my invisible efforts are conquering enemies
    taking note of the aftermath to be victorious after the battle,
    I want to make peace with this disease and accept that I am standing here
    something whispers in the wind each time a storm passes,
    the rain falls and
    my tears fall
    and I am a bundle of anxiety and fear sometimes
    stretching out as far as my arms will carry themselves
    feeling cold air against my fingertips
    just praying for the sun to melt me all the way down
    and give me some rest from being tired
    from complaining
    from obligating myself to a battle I am too tired to fight
    from loving and appreciating and hoping and falling short and jumping back up again and looking around the corner for when the sun sets
    the night covers the universe
    my mind relaxes
    patience is settling itself into my skin,
    sctatching its way
    in
    but it is a comfort that it wants to be in me
    like no one else does
    wants to bear fruit in my body
    and multiply




    Submitted on 2011-10-10 12:24:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the way the poem dances around this subject so subtly after you've just come out and announced what it is in the title. This is very womanly, but almost in reverse. Often, we women hint and hint at what we long for but we have to have it pulled out of us for others to truly know for sure what it is.
    I like that you never speak of a babyís warm head, or coos from a basinet. Your quest for motherhood seems deeper. More profound. Indeed, as others have pointed out, it seems more a visceral, biological urge you feel the need to satisfy.

    My favorite lines are:
    stretching out as far as my arms will carry themselves
    feeling cold air against my fingertips

    The anxiety you feel due to this drive seems quite powerful. All the sameóif twenty-two is your real age, Iím sure you know, your clock has plenty more ticks left in it. Really. Let that patience sink deep inside you. And keep writing!

    Good write!

    Jane
    | Posted on 2011-10-12 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]
      I know it sounds stupid, and I'm not taking the mick at all, but you know how you see zombies screaming for brains in movies, I imagine a woman saying "babies" in a similar way. Sorry, I've got an odd sense of humour. (I suppose you comparing it to a disease might have had something to do with it). I just thought you might get a laught out of that image.

    Anyway, I like this. I suppose the dersire to reproduce is instinctual; it's actually a sweet sentiment. I'd remember to spellcheck, and I think you might be able to distill this down to something more concise, if that appeals to you.
    | Posted on 2011-10-10 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, very powerful i like how it's all compared to a disease at top then by the end of the work you have accepted it and talk about it like it's truly a gift that envelopes all the darkness and sets it aside at least for the time being. my favorite line is "the night covers the universe" i really enjoyed the piece. Great work great writing.




    Christopher
    | Posted on 2011-10-10 00:00:00 | by Soulraven | [ Reply to This ]


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