Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Beggers aren't Choosersdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: xxalpal4everzxx
    ASL Info:    13/F/Pennsylvania
    Elite Ratio:    2.73 - 10/26/19
    Words: 66
    Class/Type: Poetry/What you did
    Total Views: 538
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 423



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBeggers aren't Choosersdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The moose had sat upon her head,
    His face the brightest shade of red,
    She paid him no attention and walked away,
    She should’ve had him like this until today,
    He begged and begged and stood so pathetic,
    Two young hearts use to be so powerfully magnetic,
    Yet one day the in between flew away,
    Goodbye is all she had left to say.





    Submitted on 2011-10-10 17:01:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this is a pretty good piece...you have a pretty steady poetic hand and pretty mature for 13...

    keep working on blossoming into more metaphorical work...use similes, analogies....you are pretty straightforward...but the rhyme feels natural...and you write short, concise pieces ...and those do have more impact.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-10-10 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    192895

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Carry written by saartha
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Shi written by ShyOne
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Cover written by saartha
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    prison written by ShyOne
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry