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    dots Submission Name: Beggers aren't Choosersdots

    Author: xxalpal4everzxx
    ASL Info:    13/F/Pennsylvania
    Elite Ratio:    2.73 - 10/26/19
    Words: 66
    Class/Type: Poetry/What you did
    Total Views: 561
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 423


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    dotsBeggers aren't Choosersdots

    The moose had sat upon her head,
    His face the brightest shade of red,
    She paid him no attention and walked away,
    She should’ve had him like this until today,
    He begged and begged and stood so pathetic,
    Two young hearts use to be so powerfully magnetic,
    Yet one day the in between flew away,
    Goodbye is all she had left to say.

    Submitted on 2011-10-10 17:01:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this is a pretty good piece...you have a pretty steady poetic hand and pretty mature for 13...

    keep working on blossoming into more metaphorical work...use similes, analogies....you are pretty straightforward...but the rhyme feels natural...and you write short, concise pieces ...and those do have more impact.

    | Posted on 2011-10-10 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

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