What Feels Right

Author: BlazeFlamme ASL Info:    22/m/TX Elite Ratio:    1.8 - 23 /161 /138 Words: 75

Class/Type: Poetry /Misc Total Views: 1160 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 518

Description:

---

What Feels Right

---

I might be going crazy It's quite alright I've been there before Better than the withering Dying inside, heart on the floor At the very least I can feel My heart still beats, after all And though insane At times life has never quite Felt so right as now And though today, in all its glory Is all wrong, you're another's story Tomorrow looks bright So I'll try to enjoy the ride.

Submitted on 2011-10-10 18:39:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_< 2: I dunno... 3: meh! 4: Pretty cool 5: Wow!

Comments

I agree with Jacob, it starts off well and builds a bit and then suddenly the power drops out and its like this container without a bottom that can't be filled. I feel with the central idea carried throughout it would creatr the foundation to allow the power and potential to really shine through..

| Posted on 2011-10-12 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]

i like the first two stanzas but the poem loses its oomph for me in the last two... i like the insanity idea brought into the first part of the poem, but it disappears.. careful of grammar..."in all its glory" and "you're another's story" would like to see the insanity idea carried to the end of the piece. jacob

| Posted on 2011-10-10 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest. 2. Try not to give only compliments. 3. How did it make you feel? 4. Why did it make you feel that way? 5. Which parts? 6. What distracted from the piece?

7. What was unclear? 8. What does it remind you of? 9. How could it be improved? 10. What would you have done differently? 11. What was your interpretation of it? 12. Does it feel original?

192897