What Feels Right by BlazeFlamme

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Submission Name: What Feels Right dots

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Author:	BlazeFlamme
ASL Info:	22/m/TX
Elite Ratio:	1.8 - 23/161/138
Words:	75

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	665
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	518

Description:

What Feels Right dots

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I might be going crazy
It's quite alright
I've been there before
Better than the withering
Dying inside, heart on the floor

At the very least I can feel
My heart still beats, after all
And though insane
At times life has never quite
Felt so right as now

And though today, in all its glory
Is all wrong, you're another's story
Tomorrow looks bright

So I'll try to enjoy the ride.

Submitted on 2011-10-10 18:39:38 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
I agree with Jacob, it starts off well and builds a bit and then suddenly the power drops out and its like this container without a bottom that can't be filled. I feel with the central idea carried throughout it would creatr the foundation to allow the power and potential to really shine through..
| Posted on 2011-10-12 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]
i like the first two stanzas but the poem loses its oomph for me in the last two...

i like the insanity idea brought into the first part of the poem, but it disappears..

careful of grammar..."in all its glory"

and "you're another's story"

would like to see the insanity idea carried to the end of the piece.

jacob
| Posted on 2011-10-10 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.