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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: What Feels Rightdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BlazeFlamme
    ASL Info:    22/m/TX
    Elite Ratio:    1.8 - 23/161/138
    Words: 75
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 634
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 518



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhat Feels Rightdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I might be going crazy
    It's quite alright
    I've been there before
    Better than the withering
    Dying inside, heart on the floor

    At the very least I can feel
    My heart still beats, after all
    And though insane
    At times life has never quite
    Felt so right as now

    And though today, in all its glory
    Is all wrong, you're another's story
    Tomorrow looks bright

    So I'll try to enjoy the ride.




    Submitted on 2011-10-10 18:39:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I agree with Jacob, it starts off well and builds a bit and then suddenly the power drops out and its like this container without a bottom that can't be filled. I feel with the central idea carried throughout it would creatr the foundation to allow the power and potential to really shine through..
    | Posted on 2011-10-12 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the first two stanzas but the poem loses its oomph for me in the last two...

    i like the insanity idea brought into the first part of the poem, but it disappears..

    careful of grammar..."in all its glory"

    and "you're another's story"

    would like to see the insanity idea carried to the end of the piece.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-10-10 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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