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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Star-seeddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Clayman
    ASL Info:    28 - getting late
    Elite Ratio:    6.34 - 609/327/167
    Words: 65
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 465
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 371



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStar-seeddots
    -------------------------------------------


    The galaxy toils with your coming,
    like an endless bag of shiny things and
    unborn dreams shuddering in delight.

    I will cling to my dream and
    feed it the skeletons of fear
    and the cobwebs of doubt holding me warm
    and call it by name.
    Your name.

    As is written, as is told...

    Svw




    Submitted on 2011-10-13 03:49:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I love the SF stories about starseeds. My dream is a starseed - you showed me something I never saw before. What a fine little work of art.
    | Posted on 2012-02-06 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. I looked up the whole "Star Seed" thing. I knew I had come across it before, a few years back when someone told me they thought my son Jacob was an "indigo child". I'm not sure what to make of all that. And so, I'm not sure what to make of this. But I like it. I like these lines best:

    like an endless bag of shiny things and
    unborn dreams shuddering in delight.

    The piece feels like anticipation before the birth of a child.
    | Posted on 2011-10-15 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]
      I find this piece very honest, creative in its delivery,

    I love how you have this tone of a cosmic and profound structure with a hint of spirituality, humanity, its such a nice blend, my favorite combination. You give such original and unique pieces to read,


    thanks for sharing

    jaz
    | Posted on 2011-10-14 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      yes,....

    only in the second stanza, i would change the line to "i will cling to my dream"

    because "this dream" clashes with the plural dreams in the first.
    | Posted on 2011-10-13 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      i really like the creativeness of phrasing in the first and third stanzas...

    seems a poem in those two stanzas...the second stanza feels a bit out of place...and jars the reading...feels contrived where the rest of the poem feels quite natural in movement.

    would almost like "hope" to be deleted....and the last line of the previous stanza be the finish...leave sort of an indeterminate ending..so that the reader can finish the piece in his or her mind.
    "the endless bag of shiny things" nice reference to the stars...

    "feed it skeletons of fear"

    nice line
    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-10-13 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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