Wow. I looked up the whole "Star Seed" thing. I knew I had come across it before, a few years back when someone told me they thought my son Jacob was an "indigo child". I'm not sure what to make of all that. And so, I'm not sure what to make of this. But I like it. I like these lines best:
like an endless bag of shiny things and
unborn dreams shuddering in delight.
The piece feels like anticipation before the birth of a child.
I find this piece very honest, creative in its delivery,
I love how you have this tone of a cosmic and profound structure with a hint of spirituality, humanity, its such a nice blend, my favorite combination. You give such original and unique pieces to read,
i really like the creativeness of phrasing in the first and third stanzas...
seems a poem in those two stanzas...the second stanza feels a bit out of place...and jars the reading...feels contrived where the rest of the poem feels quite natural in movement.
would almost like "hope" to be deleted....and the last line of the previous stanza be the finish...leave sort of an indeterminate ending..so that the reader can finish the piece in his or her mind.
"the endless bag of shiny things" nice reference to the stars...