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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I want to Recreatedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 139
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 343
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 838



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI want to Recreatedots
    -------------------------------------------


    it begins with the smoothness of a caress across circular skin
    an orb of light that transforms itself into substance of emotion

    in action my thoughts portray my being, surmising everything that could be created,
    in response to some great energetic swing

    I have been told for so long that I do TOO much and think so little for myself

    for months I walked around believeing actively or consciously in no god but thinking literally to myself,
    I HAVE GODS LOVE TO GIVE
    and feeling so empowered by the idea of loving so fluently

    I hear echoes
    see seasons rearranged and always put together exactly as I remember them
    a galactic urge to respond

    the desire to to remember and speak life as I see life, as it has been given to me




    Submitted on 2011-10-13 09:47:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I understand your disconnect for gods. There are many and too many people use them for their own ends. You touch on the sense of wonder for which there is no way to rationalize or define. It can be a lonely path to reject organized religion and atheism while also not professing to not know one way or another. You let us see the light in you. - Jim
    | Posted on 2011-10-16 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      Lovely write! I agree! It seems in part every poet's calling-- to recreate the emotions, the reactions to the world that we have experienced in some way that touches others.

    I love the bit about the "galactic urge to respond"! I also relate to the lines about doing too much for others. I was confused on part of it though. Did you mean "think so little for myself" or "think so little of myself"? I'm sure most of us have been accused of both things. It seemed to me though, that you were talking about putting others before you, not following others blindly (which, I think, is more what is implied as you have it now). . . but maybe I'm wrong.

    My favorite lines are the ones I kind of stumbled through upon first read:

    for months I walked around believeing actively or consciously in no god but thinking literally to myself,
    I HAVE GODS LOVE TO GIVE
    and feeling so empowered by the idea of loving so fluently

    I love the sentiment here. I think it's great that while some might call it blasphemy, it is so spiritual! In some sense, it seems to me the most truly "pious" of feelings. What speaks more of the spirit of "god" than to be godly in our actions? And what is more godly than to give love?

    I think the reason I stumbled through that section is because the lines need some tightening. Maybe something like:

    for months I believed in no god
    but thought to myself
    I have god's love to give!
    and felt so empowered by the idea of
    loving so fluently

    I took out the all caps thing but that's just my personal preference. I also might even capitalize the g in "god". Either that or pluralize both god references ". . . I believed in no gods" and "I have (the) gods' love to give!" But that's just me.

    I really like the last two lines of this a lot too, but think you meant to have only one "to" after "desire". Unless I'm reading it wrong(???).

    I hope you don't take offense at my tinkering. This is such a strong piece, I was just looking to (imho) smooth the flow of some sections. Let me know if I've overstepped in any way . . .

    I like your work very much!

    Jane
    | Posted on 2011-10-14 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow this is really wonderful, I really enjoyed the part about seasons rearranged but then ways left as you remembered them, this stirs up so much emotion and just speaks on so many levels and leaves me in awe. This is really something with a unique flavor to me, thanks for sharing :)
    | Posted on 2011-10-13 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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