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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Just for laughsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Clayman
    ASL Info:    28 - getting late
    Elite Ratio:    6.34 - 609/327/167
    Words: 75
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 570
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 502



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsJust for laughsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    We slept with fire in our bellies
    for far too long,
    chained down with songs unsung
    and pictures
    the child had drawn
    within..

    But day was more than the sun
    and light was moving
    faster than time,
    pulsing our hearts,
    transmuting skin..
    So we shed our old eyes and woke up
    to a dream,
    to truth
    as we stepped from between
    the veil and the night,
    tasting divinity..

    Svw




    Submitted on 2011-10-15 14:15:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This opening is very strong and unique, sleeping with fire in the belly, I love that part so much!

    But day was more than the sun
    and light was moving
    faster than time,
    pulsing our hearts,


    And this really supports the strength of the first stanza, the line about the day being more than sun, and the relation it has to light, how it all escaped the physical limits that we are use to really brings the reader in to want to know just what is going on in this piece.

    And in your conclusion you speak of divinity, of dreams being truth verses our perspective of reality. I really liked this. It is kind of saying step out of the box. It reminds me of gratitude, that magic feeling in our hearts that embraces the beauty of existing.

    Interesting piece.
    Ty for sharing.
    | Posted on 2011-10-17 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      the title seems incongruent given the appearing seriousness of the work itself.

    I really like this:

    But day was more than the sun
    and light was moving
    faster than time,

    and I think it would be great to "shed our old eyes" and wake up. See things clearly.

    enjoyable write, thanks~C


    | Posted on 2011-10-15 00:00:00 | by ponykeeper | [ Reply to This ]
      i know i am way off..but damn this reminds me of all the protesting on Wall Street...finally a rising up...we have slept with a fire in our bellies but never lit it till now.

    "we shed our old eyes and woke up to a dream" or more like an American Dream in ruins...and now people are pissed off and saying something, anything, about it..

    this got me in motion...lighting the match again.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-10-15 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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