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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lying Angel dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: xxalpal4everzxx
    ASL Info:    13/F/Pennsylvania
    Elite Ratio:    2.73 - 10/26/19
    Words: 41
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 388
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 255



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLying Angel dots
    -------------------------------------------


    You brightened my storm,
    Sprinkled my dreams,
    My heart kept warm,
    As you were redeemed,
    I found you on the ground,
    Thought you fell from the sky,
    Yet the devil in you was found,
    My angel was a lie.




    Submitted on 2011-10-15 20:32:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This was a very lovely read. So innocent and child-like, but with an ominous undertone.
    One suggestion: A period mark after 'redeemed' could help more than you think. Trust me

    A pleasure

    Matt
    | Posted on 2011-10-16 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]
      but all the best devils
    seem sweet and impassioned
    they talk a good fight
    like lively distractions
    | Posted on 2011-10-16 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      This can tell a lot if the reader elects to fill in a few blanks. Kind of a puzzle in a way, begging the reader to complete the story for himself. Kind of short and sweet like haiku after a fashion.
    | Posted on 2011-10-15 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]


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