Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lying Angel dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: xxalpal4everzxx
    ASL Info:    13/F/Pennsylvania
    Elite Ratio:    2.73 - 10/26/19
    Words: 41
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 401
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 255



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLying Angel dots
    -------------------------------------------


    You brightened my storm,
    Sprinkled my dreams,
    My heart kept warm,
    As you were redeemed,
    I found you on the ground,
    Thought you fell from the sky,
    Yet the devil in you was found,
    My angel was a lie.




    Submitted on 2011-10-15 20:32:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This was a very lovely read. So innocent and child-like, but with an ominous undertone.
    One suggestion: A period mark after 'redeemed' could help more than you think. Trust me

    A pleasure

    Matt
    | Posted on 2011-10-16 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]
      but all the best devils
    seem sweet and impassioned
    they talk a good fight
    like lively distractions
    | Posted on 2011-10-16 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      This can tell a lot if the reader elects to fill in a few blanks. Kind of a puzzle in a way, begging the reader to complete the story for himself. Kind of short and sweet like haiku after a fashion.
    | Posted on 2011-10-15 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    192947

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Incubus written by monad
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    ME written by jjd
    Legends written by poetotoe
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
    By the bar written by expiring_touch
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry