[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Cereal Killerdots

    Author: koster
    ASL Info:    51 So. Calif deser
    Elite Ratio:    6.89 - 185/105/78
    Words: 216
    Class/Type: Poetry/Childrens
    Total Views: 1027
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1416


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCereal Killerdots

    It struck me suddenly on Saturday,
    standing asking my neighbor John
    to lend me his ladder for an hour
    His son came in and climbed a chair
    grabbed a box of cereal and a bowl
    happily talking to his Dad
    as the flakes were put in the bowl,
    milk carton upended
    and breakfast was carried away
    to be eaten as the TV blared
    Suddenly I saw again
    the kitchen table
    with cigarette burns
    dirty green paint
    and dried food on piled dishes
    my eyes watching cockroaches
    clamber on the counters and stove
    life enjoying itself among filth
    wiping my nose on faded
    checked shirt with the elbows torn
    buttons off, but the cleanest one
    I could find for school
    my mother coughing in her bed
    blackened eye swollen shut
    wrapped in blanket
    asleep on the couch
    My father in the one bedroom
    kicking beer cans under the bed
    swearing and promising my momma
    another wallop is she ever dared
    to talk back when he said
    "Clean up this dump"
    I quickly shoveled a spoonful in
    sliding off my chair
    ir and tried
    to get out the door
    down the stairs
    around the corn er
    before he noticed me
    eating up the last cereal
    leaving him nothing
    but the empty box

    Submitted on 2011-10-17 08:36:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Woa. What did I just read? This is too hectic, I have to sit down a bit and rock myself some...

    Good, er...
    Powerful work you got here..

    | Posted on 2011-10-18 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow this is a moving piece. It's so sad and I love

    the twist it has to it. When I read the title I really wasn't
    expecting this but WOW!

    All I would say is great piece!

    | Posted on 2011-10-17 00:00:00 | by xxalpal4everzxx | [ Reply to This ]
      fiercely intense piece....wow.

    what a twist..

    not much help but must say...

    i really liked this piece...it grabbed me and made me angry.

    the speaker sees what happens in the happy neighbor's house, as opposed to the trauma of his own house.

    good writing.

    | Posted on 2011-10-17 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      A horrible flashback to a past that the speaker has escaped but has not escaped the speaker. The lingering fear, shame, anger. The pain of knowing--remembering. The way that pain takes simple, lovely moments, and turns them on their heads. It's understandable that the child left the father nothing but the emptiness he deserved. But I think, he or she must have taken much more than cereal away. It seems this child was able to nourish the soul behind father's back as well. That a person survives abuse and neglect is a triumph, but when they thrive in spite of it--that is the greatest revenge.

    Nice write.

    | Posted on 2011-10-17 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]