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    dots Submission Name: What Wasdots

    Author: KeeperOfLight
    ASL Info:    23, Vancouver BC
    Elite Ratio:    2.55 - 41/64/76
    Words: 172
    Class/Type: Story/
    Total Views: 492
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1205

       A remake of my previous poem, "Looking over the world for you" http://www.eliteskills.com/z/169815

    could still use a lot of work but I am happy with it for the moment.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhat Wasdots

    I am here
    right here
    not over there
    where the cliffs go
    down to the
    of the blue sea

    I am here
    right here
    beside you

    looking over
    the world

    Listening to the
    hooves of steel

    clattering the land
    for miles.

    Your angelic wings
    for what can they be?
    But you in my eyes

    looking right here
    not over there
    where the cliffs go

    down to the spines
    of the blue sea.

    I am here
    right here
    beside you

    For you are beautiful
    With your angelic wings

    We will fly
    so far

    not falling to the
    spines of the
    blue sea.

    Words of bedtime tales
    all about your angelic wings

    for your innocence,
    I am here, right here
    beside you,

    not falling to
    the spines
    of the blue sea.

    We will stay
    for I am with you
    beside you

    all there’s left
    Is what Was.

    Submitted on 2011-10-18 23:50:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      lovely imagery! really enjoyed it. It fumes with the exuberance of youth. :)
    | Posted on 2011-10-29 00:00:00 | by moaxcym | [ Reply to This ]

    In some ways, this piece feel like it could be a song with
    "I am here
    right here
    beside you"
    as a reassuring refrain.

    | Posted on 2011-10-22 00:00:00 | by EW61 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
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    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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