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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Exposeddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: JanePlane
    ASL Info:    125/F/everyplane
    Elite Ratio:    6.76 - 415/433/130
    Words: 83
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 239
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 460



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsExposeddots
    -------------------------------------------


    I feel shy
    when you see me naked
    for the first time.
    Like maybe I should cover myself
    with a hand, an arm.

    But what good would it do?
    We will not do it with the lights off.

    We have to see, you say
    to know where everything goes.

    I gasp when I think of it.
    I gasp when I feel you so near.

    And yet, you are miles away.
    And yet, I am miles away.




    Submitted on 2011-10-19 01:44:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this poem is wow! i can feel it so real.. the feeling is so original.. specially a girl can understand how that works :) good job. innocent expression. turning on too yea ;)
    | Posted on 2011-10-21 00:00:00 | by Iram | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed reading this. Although it made me sad..To share a physical relationship with someone with whom you not meant to be with..I've had this partner of sorts that i've known for years, and still, every time we do the deed, I feel this. That shyness, the need to cover up your body, your scars, any faults that you feel are there...That feeling of being on two seperate planets, but still so close. I honestly hate that feeling. lol.
    Do you think its different in the darkness? Where you can bare your souls with no one the wiser of who you really are? Maybe..
    At any rate, this piece was great. To the point and it evoked emotion out of me. Which I like! :)

    --Daisy
    | Posted on 2011-10-20 00:00:00 | by sensetofeel | [ Reply to This ]
      To stand naked and vulnerable in front of someone, physically as well as emotionally, is the ultimate sign of trust....

    Only then can we experience true passion...when both parties present themselves to the other like that.

    Because we are so often hurt by others in our past, we carry shields with us, walls that are difficult for others to penetrate.

    When we meet the right person, those walls will crumble.
    | Posted on 2011-10-19 00:00:00 | by rubie | [ Reply to This ]
      i really like this, Jane.

    the exposed is really the mental and emotional...we can't really do it until there is mutual trust---it isn't all about the physical...making love is in the mind as well as the body..

    come to me fully...no secrets...or it means nothing.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-10-19 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      I get this feeling that there isn't any compatibility. There isn't anything natural about it. The feeling shy; the needing the lights on to "know where everything goes".
    So I guess the shyness, in a way, is both the cause and the effect.

    So near, yet so far. Works really well here.

    Great conclusion, by the way.

    Little suggestion: I'd like to be a little more inside of your head in this poem. Do I mean make it longer? Perhaps. It all depends.
    I mean, the whole thing was told 'in your head' but I want to see it through your eyes; hear it through your ears. If that makes sense.

    Matt
    | Posted on 2011-10-19 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]


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