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    dots Submission Name: Insidedots

    Author: Clayman
    ASL Info:    28 - getting late
    Elite Ratio:    6.34 - 609/327/167
    Words: 110
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 597
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 711


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Let your skin down, let it be still.
    There is dissonance here,
    a sense of imbalance with
    a tinge of chaos sleeping inside,
    stirring uneasy before knowing eyes,

    let it go, let it be
    like a newborn from chrysalis
    yet to taste the stars
    and weave the wind.
    Let it be without doubt
    you are free again
    as you have always been.

    Feel the satin, feel the breeze.
    It leaves a sense of sudden release
    if you let it,
    if you keep still
    long enough to realize there
    is no winter, no clasps on your eyes
    and nothing out of reach
    if you reach within.


    Submitted on 2011-10-20 01:02:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I agree with Matt about the line about there being no winter. But I like the part about "no clasps on your eyes even better! I love the imagery there, of clasps and then not. And the freedom to see!

    Great stuff!

    Sorry to say, that I also agree with Jacob, though. that line distracted me for the same reasons. I would find another way to say the "chrysalis" thing. Funny he referenced "shards" as an example of words that become trendy to use or whatever. I have noticed that, too!

    The point is, this poem is better than that. You have come up with something moving and original here, except (imho) that one line.

    | Posted on 2011-10-22 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]
      i especially like the last stanza...very nice piece...my only tic is "chrysalis"--
    i am seeing that word lately in too many poems...reminds me of "shards" which seems overused..i guess part of it is that the word draws attention to itself because it is awkward in itself and breaks rhythm.

    but aside from that...love the imagery.

    | Posted on 2011-10-20 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh absolutely! There seems to be this gracing of chaos. I love that in a poem; or anything for that matter. The world is chaos. Be still. That's almost what it reads like, which is great.

    Keep still long enough to realize, there is no winter

    That gives off sort of a Buddhist/subjective philosophical vibe. There is no winter; only doubt. Be without doubt. Reach within.

    So delicate.....fav'd

    | Posted on 2011-10-20 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]

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