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    dots Submission Name: a day untitleddots

    Author: isabella
    Elite Ratio:    5.56 - 803/905/472
    Words: 71
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 782
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 483

       for leon.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsa day untitleddots

    his strides were as long as sunflowers. (whose shadows moved when his heart hummed.) it wasn't often, but when it happened, petal-sparks flew and the sun seemed to smile; sent big toothy
    rays down, like a neon sign sayin': joe's cafe.

    i'd eat there, God. i would eat there. i'd eat up his sometimes
    sexy-southern-prose. and i'd lick my fingers too.

    Submitted on 2011-10-21 08:10:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i like this for its unconnectedness: its stream of consciousness because, whilst each line stands on its own (not unlike a haiku in this respect) the overall impression is one of barely restrained enthusiasm for life and all it might offer - like spring in this respect which is also joyously disconnected - to the point that like in space and time, it all ends up connected regardless. and round we go - with long strides...

    and yes, why wouldn't you lick your fingers?
    take it easy mate and good luck with the guy with the dodgy ticker.

    | Posted on 2012-07-16 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this, altho I've never had much luck with "joe's" of any kind... funny, too, cause I really like the name.

    Toothy sunflowers... I like the country boys so much. I just wish they'd take better care of their damn teeth.
    | Posted on 2011-12-03 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm licking my fingers after having my hands on your prose. A damn fine poem. I absolutely live the aesthetics. Love the end, the imagery and the peace. Nothing but praise. Good work
    | Posted on 2011-11-02 00:00:00 | by leftof_red | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! Beautiful imagery and very sultry! I really enjoyed this! Particularly the last two lines :)

    Have you ever considered breaking the prose down into shorter lines?

    His strides were as long as sunflowers.
    Whose shadows moved when his heart hummed.
    It wasn't often,
    But when it happened, petal-sparks flew
    The sun seemed to smile;
    Sending big toothy rays down,
    Like a neon sign saying: joe's cafe.

    i'd eat there!
    God, i would eat there!
    I'd eat up his sometimes sexy-southern-prose.
    I'd lick my fingers too.

    I enjoyed this! Nice read.

    | Posted on 2011-10-21 00:00:00 | by SHRINKSDR | [ Reply to This ]

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