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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: In My Own Way...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: EW61
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 131/71/51
    Words: 125
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 683
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 999



    Description:
       Sometimes our own baggage gets in the way of real truth telling and we end up censoring ourselves to play it safe.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn My Own Way...dots
    -------------------------------------------



    My truths are thoughtful whispers
    Images lining my mind-scape
    weaving through textured voices
    of undulating polyphony

    They crave expression
    Hush and wait...
    Who can know
    such themes?

    They filter through
    protective oversight:
    The editor,
    My Guardian Undertaker
    Quarantines the unspeakable
    Underlines the rules and
    Erases stray verses

    I am mired in understatement
    Required to keep my place
    -minus expectations
    After all,
    Presumption is a mortal sin
    Framed in dire consequences
    Mission accomplished
    The editor leaves

    I am mute
    Poison cuts my voice
    Guts me silent
    Until it's over

    I name my prison
    and finally understand...

    I am the author
    The editor works for me

    October 22, 2011







    Submitted on 2011-10-23 00:04:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this is a fav.!
    | Posted on 2011-10-25 00:00:00 | by SetmyselfonFire | [ Reply to This ]
      Happy day! I liked how this made me think of how we are with people - the ones we can open up to in all and those we keep at bay - for whatever reason. Very thoughtful and thought provoking piece thanks!

    Thinking smiles to share :-)
    | Posted on 2011-10-25 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Okay, I will give you just one suggestion (since you asked). If I were you, I'd do something about the line
    "Poison cuts my voice". Poison doesn't cut. Maybe something like: "pen knife cuts my throat". I think that (or something like it) works well with the next line.

    Let me know what you think. Even if you disagree.

    Jane
    | Posted on 2011-10-23 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice last lines! It's tough when you give birth to words and ideas and someone else comes in and slashes through them with red pen (or, with editing software, maybe just slashes through them). And it is very important that they (and you) remember who is really in charge!

    Sometimes, though, I have to say, a fresh perspective is a good thing. Sometimes, another person can cipher through the cacophony (that maybe to you, at first sounded like melody or "undulating polyphony") to find that sweet song you've been trying to sing.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is try not to see the editor as the bad guy (or gal) unless you really think they are "muting" your true message. Then, if you really are the boss, and you are paying them, maybe fire them and get someone new!

    Oh, but maybe this is all metaphor for your alter ego! I can relate to that. Sometimes, I think, I've edited myself right out of a great story or poem or whatever. Sometimes, it's better to step away from the keyboard for a bit. And save multiple versions of things!

    Either way, this did provoke a lot of thought.

    favorite lines: "Guts me silent"

    I could make some suggestions here and there but . . . I don't want to poison your well . . .
    | Posted on 2011-10-23 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]


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