Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Peacefully, Surrounded by Loved Ones dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: JanePlane
    ASL Info:    125/F/everyplane
    Elite Ratio:    6.76 - 419/435/131
    Words: 53
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 376
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 421



    Description:
       Please let me know on this. Specifically, does it work without "alone" at the end?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPeacefully, Surrounded by Loved Ones dots
    -------------------------------------------


    white edged
    split lips

    labor to whisper crackled
    dreams

    (so many never
    came true)

    milk-misted eyes
    flicker

    at flowers bent from the
    effort

    to brighten this
    bleak space

    thin-skinned hands point toward the
    blue way

    we all must go
    alone






    Submitted on 2011-10-25 15:08:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      sounds like a good way to die. makes me think of the show called dead like me. some scene with the younger sister and her goth friends are talking about how they want to die and it's all these gruesome deaths and the mother says Peacefully, Surrounded by Loved Ones....but yep it does seem like how to die, being that they were there in the life lived.

    _Ryan
    | Posted on 2011-12-20 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]
      A lot speak of whiteness being the door to the afterlife/the unknown/the Godhead/whatever you want to label it; blue, if we are speaking of the meaning behind colours again, denotes/connotes spirituality - I think you capture both here quite incisively.

    Overall, this is tinged with regret. I see this as a characterisation of an old man on his deathbed, thinking about what-ifs, what-never-happened and what-could-never-be. It's sad but most of us will feel this way, that we never quite made the most of life and wish that we had lived past moments more vicariously and with that essence of joie de vivre.

    "Milk-misted" - I like that for its double meaning (to me): cataracts, physically; and a melancholic heart, emotionally.

    Alone, yes.
    It fits perfectly.
    | Posted on 2011-10-26 00:00:00 | by trinityfinger | [ Reply to This ]
      i think it is better without "alone"

    it leaves the end open to interpretation...yes we go to that place in the sky at the end, alone...but also the blue way can stand for all those we leave behind..the grief they share, the blue they feel at the loss.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-10-25 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    193041

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Incubus written by monad
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    Stretto written by saartha
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Legends written by poetotoe
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    ME written by jjd
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry