Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: immaculatedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Outlaw
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 510/413/195
    Words: 133
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 634
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 779



    Description:
       I'm trying to rekindle my playful imagination's passion for the english language before I fully commit myself to french and german. We paramours are nothing more than dirty rags.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsimmaculatedots
    -------------------------------------------


    A flower creased the dirt on my fingers
    Alighting them of their sullied fate
    Each petal a mate to a nail, each nail
    Assailing the endless mass of trash around
    This planet upon which we lay -
    It may be that like a philanderer I lay
    From left to right upon these soils
    a new flower for each grave
    wherein lie fragments of hearts
    whose union defined the existence of my kind.
    Every cloth has been used, and so using
    One to clean this mess is no more than
    Rubbing disease and malaise onto more
    And I ask of my state how it is that in this
    State we’ve become unable, incapable of helping
    And most direly, how it is we are so indifferent?
    How it is that I am no different.




    Submitted on 2011-10-27 10:14:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      wow, on more readings..yes, sorry sorry..the way you are using it.."lay" is correct...i was reading it a different way than intended.

    my bad.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-10-28 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      none of us are clean, no matter how many times we wash our hands. and indifference is a bitch, in my opinion.

    i sometimes will it. when i don't want to have a feeling one way or another about things. it's hard to come up with though, for me at least. i think it scares me when it actually happens. really scares me. it seems so final.

    but i try to see the beautiful-ugly in things.
    like how your petals could crease dirt. and how that dirt seemed so fragile all of a sudden.

    the world we live in is in a clusterfuck. but i'm not ready to leave it yet. nope. i'm just not ready.

    anyhoo,

    thought i'd stop by and say hiya.

    (smile).
    | Posted on 2011-10-27 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]
      the disease of lost passion, spreading...not just love passion but passion for causes, for things in general...such an apathetic world we are living in..

    i like how you wound the phrasing with the repetition...very much

    although in the one part the two "lays" should be "lie" and using the correct form in those spots won't hurt the sound or flow at all...sometimes poetic license is needed for that...but here i think "lie" works well and sounds better.

    but overall...a nicely constructed write.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-10-27 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    193064

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    prison written by ShyOne
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Records I written by Raphael
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry