Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: River of Tearsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: xxalpal4everzxx
    ASL Info:    13/F/Pennsylvania
    Elite Ratio:    2.73 - 10/26/19
    Words: 56
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 506
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 319



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRiver of Tearsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    As he broke the news tears began to rain,
    Forming rivers on the floor and tornados in the brain,
    Sparks of old filled up the spaces of her heart,
    He pierced her bosom with his black snake bite dart,
    She washed away through her ocean of tears,
    Goodbye to all the happy years.




    Submitted on 2011-10-29 16:54:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This has some good undertones and great imagery! I think you're going to have some great talent in creating vivid poems! Try doing what you did with this piece and using some more descriptive synonyms. So instead of saying as he "broke the news" which is a common phrase, try making up something original that means the same thing.

    Great job dearest sis!
    | Posted on 2011-11-03 00:00:00 | by Anneboleyn707 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    193087

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    ME written by jjd
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Incubus written by monad
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    This written by Chelebel
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Genesis written by saartha
    Legends written by poetotoe
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry