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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: River of Tearsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: xxalpal4everzxx
    ASL Info:    13/F/Pennsylvania
    Elite Ratio:    2.73 - 10/26/19
    Words: 56
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 451
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 319



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRiver of Tearsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    As he broke the news tears began to rain,
    Forming rivers on the floor and tornados in the brain,
    Sparks of old filled up the spaces of her heart,
    He pierced her bosom with his black snake bite dart,
    She washed away through her ocean of tears,
    Goodbye to all the happy years.




    Submitted on 2011-10-29 16:54:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This has some good undertones and great imagery! I think you're going to have some great talent in creating vivid poems! Try doing what you did with this piece and using some more descriptive synonyms. So instead of saying as he "broke the news" which is a common phrase, try making up something original that means the same thing.

    Great job dearest sis!
    | Posted on 2011-11-03 00:00:00 | by Anneboleyn707 | [ Reply to This ]


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