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    dots Submission Name: How to Die (And Feel Alright)dots

    Author: NoMartyr
    ASL Info:    18/M/Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    2.51 - 33/97/91
    Words: 271
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 826
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1762

       My thank you to the Siren of Canosa.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHow to Die (And Feel Alright)dots

    Sometimes you take it or you leave it
    Sometimes you sow it, then you reap it
    Sometimes you don't know 'til you free it
    and it comes around again

    Sometimes you try to hide your feelings
    Sometimes you dont feel it when you're bleeding
    Sometimes you cannot help but screaming,
    you're just trying to free the pain

    And like a lullaby, you told me not to cry
    You showed me how to die and feel alright

    Sometimes you fake it 'til you make it
    Sometimes it's firm and calculated
    Sometimes you try so hard to say it
    you just say nothing at all

    Sometimes you gotta see it to believe it
    Sometimes you don't even gotta see it
    Sometimes if it don't fit your model
    you wont see nothing at all

    And like a lullaby, she told me not to cry
    Showed me how to die and feel alright
    You showed me how to die and feel just fine

    "Fall off get up, until your dying rattled breath"
    You cut me open
    I never thanked you for what you said
    You said, "I'll be waiting right here"
    I could have covered my ears
    I'd still feel it in my chest

    I could sit here contemplating for the next few hours
    Bewilderment got the best of me
    I've been down but your stigmata scars aren't healing
    I've been trembling from gravity

    I never thanked you,
    you angel you...
    you siren,
    My confidant

    And like a lullaby, you told me not to cry
    You showed me how to die and feel alright

    Submitted on 2011-10-30 22:09:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i was all set to respond to this...and then i realized Jane said pretty much everything exactly as i was going to say it.

    the rhythm, the flow...the last two lines...

    this one is in my head and i can't get it out...

    not that i really want to.

    | Posted on 2011-10-31 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the flow and the rhythm involved in this piece! It feels like song lyrics. It kind of loses that flow toward the end though. If I were you I'd cut it off at the stanza that ends:

    I could have covered my ears
    I'd still felt it in my chest . . .

    And then repeat the refrain (aka chorus):

    And like a lullaby, you told me not to cry
    You showed me how to die and feel alright
    Showed me how to die and feel just fine

    Nice work!


    | Posted on 2011-10-31 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]

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