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    dots Submission Name: Crawl Crushdots

    Author: JanePlane
    ASL Info:    125/F/everyplane
    Elite Ratio:    6.77 - 417/433/131
    Words: 171
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 368
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1084


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCrawl Crushdots

    Crawl Crush

    something slips from my grip and I look for a trip
    to come to some numb kind of fun
    where the costume and pale moon and some kind of baboon
    who follows me with hollow dreams on All-Hallow's Eve
    gives me car sex while I give him some hex
    I'm not playing with any decks

    but the steamed glass leaks looks at losing streaks
    hair dye and hard lies packed into untied
    bags of broken candy dreams and when he screams

    "you are not some super-queen hairspray-teen who goes unseen
    you are other--a mother I'd like to fu . . ."

    no such luck
    that's the trick of my treat
    there's no egg on my window

    this is a night when the fright is in the tight worked
    silk skirt and I go unhurt
    spinning like a spider
    "nothing can climb her"

    it's not the make-up that makes up
    the wind-up or the pitch
    this is a cinch
    I got this
    good night

    Submitted on 2011-10-31 00:37:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This reminds me of some lines from one of my pieces . "dexterous gargoyle disguise gimmick camouflage , corrupt costume counselor chameleon charlatan chaperone entourage , scenario synopsis siren skeptic" . We all wear our costumes like the baboon who longs for communal preen . Worships your sexy plough share (car) while you commune with his social communalism . Maybe 'he thinks' , but you remember unfulfilling experiences and he's just out of luck . "Spinning like a spider , nothing can climb her " . I like the way you ended this , the self-confident devil may care attitude you wear to halloween . Cute .

    | Posted on 2011-12-05 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
      Corn is right, this is fun slip-tongue head skip word dips that I truly love... much fun. Car sex while I give him hex.... I'm familiar with those spells so well, yes yes yes to this poem, yes yes yes...
    | Posted on 2011-11-20 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]
      ha ha...... this is great. i kind of wish you spouted that off to someone.
    | Posted on 2011-11-03 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed the theme of this piece! Such creativity in adding a Halloween theme, as Jacob said. Certain parts gave me a grasp on a vivid image of hooking up in a parked car, the feel of being cut off behind your costume. Now, I long to know more.

    I have been taking a poetry class that has been stressing the idea of making a poem understandable but still original. Not that you don't know that. You obviously have originality down to a T. But some advice that has really helped me lately is to work out some of the phrases that could escape certain readers.

    Pretend your audience is a group of people who are a bunch of non-writers. You want to paint them a picture with your words while still having an underlying meaning. That way your ideas don't get muddled in obscurities.

    Excellent read! I'm glad I took a look at it and I can't wait for more!
    | Posted on 2011-11-03 00:00:00 | by Anneboleyn707 | [ Reply to This ]
      Spinning like a spider
    "nothing can climb her"

    I really loved the flow of this. I don't have much experience reading this genre....would it be considered limerick?....

    Anyways, I really did enjoy all of the rhymes juxtaposed amongst the near rhymes and the Halloween theme.
    Again, most hook-ups happen on that night. Kind of ironic when you tie it into the whole costume thing. You're best chance at getting laid is when you're not yourself.

    Very creative

    | Posted on 2011-11-01 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]
      incredibly creative piece..mixing the idea of halloween with the idea that you may get sort of close to me...but i have seen this trick before and you will not get the whole treat...

    this is my costume i wear on the outside...but inside you will never get to my door...my porchlight is silent.

    i like the spider part. "nothing can climb her"

    she is older, she has been around and she knows the game...

    love it bedsides, Halloween is my favorite holiday.

    | Posted on 2011-10-31 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

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