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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Plateletdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: saartha
    ASL Info:    27/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 230/385/134
    Words: 52
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 734
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 313



    Description:
       Aka: Things I wanted to say to nice boys I have treated poorly.

    Aka: Lecture Poems Set 1.5, as this was written instead of taking notes for another lecture on the Moroccan makhzan.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPlateletdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I wanted to tell you: my spirit
    guide is coagulation. Stars put
    a stop to the dead black

    bleed of sky. Let me be
    this holding-back.

    And I am sticking to
    the sticking place. And I am
    bloodied by war. And love, I have
    found in you a hard edge.




    Submitted on 2011-10-31 15:54:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I wanted to tell you: my spirit
    guide is coagulation. Stars put
    a stop to the dead black

    bleed of sky. Let me be
    this holding-back.

    And I am sticking to
    the sticking place. And I am
    bloodied by war. And love, I have
    found in you a hard edge.

    I like this. Reading one of your poems in the lecture set series I see you put words in wrong places (too)
    and at first that's awkward but then, in real time, it causes you (the reader) to pause. This has a couple of effects really, it causes you to read the poem a half dozen times (which is always useful) and it helps you to see that it is really a grouping of poems ,or, tight spots (well written) clumped together.

    Taking all that into account: when you say 'bleed'
    it's the usage that makes me pause and when I wrap my head around it it's sort of like the understanding gives the poem an instantaneous momentum so you've had that pause and then it's like a blood drop fell on tissue - and spread.

    That effect is quite lovely. lovely, how you did that.

    From then on the poem is lovely. 'Let me be this holding back.' How that supports what you were saying and simultaneously provides such a contrast to the spread of the blood, the two things one after the other- that is wonderful.

    And, the use of ands as coagulate, and short vantages, and sticking to the sticking place,

    and, even the comma after 'love'

    So, yes. It's the type of poem when you read it gives you more, and who writes like that? and so i like that.
    | Posted on 2011-12-12 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      How interesting and beautiful.

    I feel certain that your professor as well would find your poetic mental meanderings fascinating. (Far better than writing love notes to be passed to the guy behind and two rows to the right).

    My spirit guide is coagulation.

    This is a wonderful line that can be taken either literally or figuratively. For do we not know things by how we cleave to them?

    the dead black... bleed of sky

    I just loved how it was a "bleed" of sky as opposed to a more mundane word choice such as "expanse" or the like... particularly because it implies something that is moving and spreading, like black ink spreads on paper when freshly spilled.

    sticking to the sticking-place

    At first this line would seem almost childish in both its delivery and simplicity, but that is what I enjoy best about it. You have in the opening lines a display of a deep but subtle intelligence, followed by this irony, which has the desirable effect of clotting in and of itself: I want to go back and read again.

    In most places, a "hard edge" would not be preferable, but in this case perhaps it serves as a stopping point.

    I imagine the speaker of this poem being a person who would drift on thermals for eternity without some kind of anchor.

    Glad to have read this today, and was happy to see you posting something new. While you were away (before I was away) I discovered your page and found much to ponder there. You are a gifted writer.

    Take Care,
    Erin
    | Posted on 2011-11-01 00:00:00 | by Soul-Hugger | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, kelsey...i am still digesting this...

    the first two stanzas are so creative in their imagery..

    i get the hard edge idea...but i think the speaker is reflecting on herself...she doesn't like the stars because she likes the pitch black of the dead sky..the sky being her heart...she wants to be the holding back...let me keep to myself..i can't love you...i am bloodied by the wars of love...and i probably created those wars because of my past...i was treated poorly and have retaliated against every nice boy since.

    i like the platelet idea...there could be a clot if the speaker is not careful, if the speaker does not let the warm blood of love flow..it will all be stopped up...

    okay, i go on...but this got me going.

    good piece

    love the imagery

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-10-31 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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