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    dots Submission Name: untitleddots

    Author: grimmreaper
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 122/43/23
    Words: 604
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Depressed
    Total Views: 381
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3826

       an EXTREMELY unorganized poem. Its mainly just clusters of my past memories

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    All the nights
    I laid in my closet
    crying and praying to God

    To just let me die

    All the days
    I sat in my room
    taking the scaple to my thighs

    hoping I'd bleed to death

    All the moments
    you screamed in my face
    teaching me to hate my self

    All the happy moments
    taken away,
    when you refused to ever let me leave

    I begged dad to listen
    I told him the things you did
    the things you said

    I begged him to believe me
    to just for once

    just once

    believe....me. not you

    You told people I was crazy
    Told people,
    I was a horrible child

    I was a GREAT child
    I did your dishes
    cleaned your house
    took care of your baby
    did his laundry
    fetched you everything you asked for
    Stayed up late nights,
    rocking YOUR baby to sleep
    I let you push me around
    blame me for everything

    I watched you slam
    my oldest brother against the wall
    scream into his face
    and say you where going to make him leave

    I was silent
    when you smacked me so hard
    my glasses flew off
    all because I told you to stop
    screaming at my baby brother

    Day after day, after YEAR
    I sat in that horrid house,
    raising your child
    changing all his diapers
    feeding him all his meals
    holding him through all
    his fevers and teething moments

    all so you could
    play on your computer
    so you could sleep
    so you could eat
    so you could watch your tv shows

    Because of you
    I missed out on some of the greatest
    years of my life

    i remember begging you
    to let me leave
    to let me spend just one night

    i was fifteen


    and carrying your weight
    on my fragile shoulders

    I will never forget
    the winter
    when you woke up so angry

    you went over to my baby brother
    my sweet small precious baby brother
    and you graved him by the hair
    and started screaming into his face
    Pulling him room to room by his scalp
    as he cried on the top of his lungs
    for you to stop

    My baby brother

    he was two years old

    I tried to tell someone
    but you said i was making it up
    that i didn't know the difference
    between reality and fake

    That day, I ran out side bear foot
    trudging down the road in the cold snow
    screaming for my life

    you where never my mother
    and your husband was never my father

    I never had parents

    So many nights
    I slept in my closet
    trying to hide from the world
    that you put me in

    I grew up hating my self
    believing that i was worthless
    believing that i was useless

    I grew up trying day after day
    to please you and make you happy
    in hopes to have at least one peaceful day

    I grew up, with no one
    to believe me.
    You always made sure no one was around
    you made sure,
    to let my brothers believe
    that everything was fine

    I will never love you

    You will never be
    a real part of my life


    when I get married,
    have children of my own

    You will never see them

    you will never be
    a part of my joy

    Submitted on 2011-10-31 20:59:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Wow...this is brutally honest and poignant. I am so sorry. Your protagonist carried an incredible burden... heroically so. Some people should not be parents and when they are parents, they pass on their pain...It stinks..because then we have to sort out the boundaries. You do that very well in this piece: Sorting through what's yours and what's not yours. The free flow really works...like a breath of fresh air. Thanks for sharing this with us.

    Peace and Namaste,
    | Posted on 2011-10-31 00:00:00 | by EW61 | [ Reply to This ]

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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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