Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Shitdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Anneboleyn707
    ASL Info:    18/Female/Pennsylvania
    Elite Ratio:    3.96 - 44/84/67
    Words: 69
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 676
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 469



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsShitdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Shit,
    For lack of a better wordó
    The sour aftermath of a night ill-defined,
    With its fragments strewn about your brain
    Like crumpled cans on linoleum tiles,
    Where a warm orange glow engulfed the whole universe,
    And has forsaken you by six am,
    Chilled and distended.
    The aftermath of hilarity
    Reeks heavily from vocal chords,
    Giving way to nausea
    Upon the threshold of first period.




    Submitted on 2011-11-06 14:13:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I really wouldn't change anything about this as every line is strong and well placed, and the story is clear while being delivered skillfully and indirectly as a description of the repercussions of the actual event. Images of intoxicated merriment flash here and there, and then back to a condition of desolation. My favorite lines:

    The aftermath of hilarity
    Reeks heavily from vocal chords,
    Giving way to nausea
    Upon the threshold of first period.

    "The aftermath of hilarity" is very aptly written and smacks of the wry humor that characterizes the whole poem. Over all very nicely done.

    ~SkyeMacadamianut
    | Posted on 2011-11-09 00:00:00 | by Jeniffer | [ Reply to This ]
      um this sounds like a hang over after a really long night partying and screaming. but maybe i'm remembering some first periods i had. and considering you're 18 i'm fairly sure you're talking about school. but with regards to the other way i had mine about the age of 13. and this is remarkably written. tells a whole lot with very little.
    | Posted on 2011-11-06 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    193181

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Linger written by saartha
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Wavelength written by saartha
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Bond written by saartha
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    untitled written by Chelebel
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Break Up written by WriteSomething

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry