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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Shitdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Anneboleyn707
    ASL Info:    18/Female/Pennsylvania
    Elite Ratio:    3.96 - 44/84/67
    Words: 69
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 630
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 469



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsShitdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Shit,
    For lack of a better wordó
    The sour aftermath of a night ill-defined,
    With its fragments strewn about your brain
    Like crumpled cans on linoleum tiles,
    Where a warm orange glow engulfed the whole universe,
    And has forsaken you by six am,
    Chilled and distended.
    The aftermath of hilarity
    Reeks heavily from vocal chords,
    Giving way to nausea
    Upon the threshold of first period.




    Submitted on 2011-11-06 14:13:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I really wouldn't change anything about this as every line is strong and well placed, and the story is clear while being delivered skillfully and indirectly as a description of the repercussions of the actual event. Images of intoxicated merriment flash here and there, and then back to a condition of desolation. My favorite lines:

    The aftermath of hilarity
    Reeks heavily from vocal chords,
    Giving way to nausea
    Upon the threshold of first period.

    "The aftermath of hilarity" is very aptly written and smacks of the wry humor that characterizes the whole poem. Over all very nicely done.

    ~SkyeMacadamianut
    | Posted on 2011-11-09 00:00:00 | by Jeniffer | [ Reply to This ]
      um this sounds like a hang over after a really long night partying and screaming. but maybe i'm remembering some first periods i had. and considering you're 18 i'm fairly sure you're talking about school. but with regards to the other way i had mine about the age of 13. and this is remarkably written. tells a whole lot with very little.
    | Posted on 2011-11-06 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]


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