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    dots Submission Name: Gypsy's songdots

    Author: Clayman
    ASL Info:    28 - getting late
    Elite Ratio:    6.34 - 609/327/167
    Words: 173
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 827
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1010

       Some fluff..

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGypsy's songdots

    Today will be more than the offspring of yesterday,
    it will be greater than
    the sum of its moments combined
    because there is wind here,
    it carries with it the same air,
    leaving me to feel comforted
    as if you were here...

    And we will be unhurried and soft in our knowing,
    treating each moment like a returned child of possibilities and hope,
    we will turn to face each caress of perfection
    carried in hearts and
    understand that this is what alive means,
    what joy looks like and
    how love is never far away
    if you keep it near..

    So let's write another story and
    leave it in the sand,
    to be carried by God's breath,
    to expand over the vistas
    and fall into the cracks of earth to
    grow and become great and alive
    like it was
    before the clouds took attention and
    the rain commanded respect..


    Submitted on 2011-11-11 04:23:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I absolutely enjoyed this. It draws you in to the Gypsy's song, moving and chanting and becoming free. I love the abundant use of nature, and the religious feel to it as well. It makes you feel connected to the earth, the elements, and to the universe and God. It's beautiful, and as I read it I can hear a melody in my head...simply magical :)

    | Posted on 2012-02-16 00:00:00 | by Realitywarp87 | [ Reply to This ]
      Very real in feeling for lack of better words that somehow stay just beyond my own abilities lately. I did want to read it as "what (being)alive means" and pondered if earth might read as Earth but either is proper. The opening line is one of those quite clever ones that you must suspect has surely been used before, being so good. Quite solid although I must ponder where the title fits in without a little more expansion.
    | Posted on 2011-11-14 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      fluff or not...i like it...i feel metaphorically peaceful...

    i like the "child of possibilites and hope"

    but the repeat of "child" jumped out at me as a bit awkward...one thought might be to change the first "child" to "offspring"--

    just a thought....

    but i think a nicely composed piece...i like how your poems stay focused..you tend to keep your poems from going off in several directions just to have impressive metaphors, which in many poems are left hanging...not extended...you keep things symmetrical.

    | Posted on 2011-11-11 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      That first stanza was the "poof" of the poem for me. I think that the manner by which your inserted the wind--which I can only describe for now as humble--sort of romanticized the piece for me.

    I also liked how the blunt discussions of love and life were handled in the second stanza because they normally take the magic off poems. But they didn't do that here primarily because of the premise that pretty much spread the magic in the rest of the piece.

    Footprints, sand angels and dunes are fleeting. But the thought that they once existed, in my opinion, are what matter. So, as you said, "let's write another story."

    | Posted on 2011-11-11 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]

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