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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: paint my boxcardots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: isabella
    Elite Ratio:    5.56 - 803/905/472
    Words: 73
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 733
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 527



    Description:
       for leon.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotspaint my boxcardots
    -------------------------------------------







    sometimes,
    i most certainly
    i love, she says.

    (with a blinding trust
    that always wouldn't
    break her heart).

    she knew this wasn't heaven.
    she knew that. knew that.
    but words were like snow.

    and when it snowed,
    it was as if God himself
    had let out a sigh.







    Submitted on 2011-11-11 08:49:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the repetition of "knew" here. It is so desperate and insistent.

    I have read that words are wind. But I like the idea that they are snow better. I like how it shows all these different things. How they can cover you, or just melt away, freeze you or wake you up.

    I like them as a sigh from God, too. Of course his sighs would be so cold. And yet, each flake is different. One for each soul?

    Really pretty words here--the way they all come together.

    Jane
    | Posted on 2012-02-12 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]
      i like how the second stanza is set off in parentheses...as if she really believes this..but we get the dramatic irony...it isn't true...

    she has been snowed again by love...and wishes God would quit sighing.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-11-11 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    7. What was unclear?
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    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
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    12. Does it feel original?



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