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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: House vs Homedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 187
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 590
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1278



    Description:
       


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    dotsHouse vs Homedots
    -------------------------------------------


    A congregated people stepped through the entrance of an abandoned house,
    with intent to cultivate

    the walls were sturdy but ugly, like weakening limbs
    windows were akwardly gazing, making quick eye movements from jagged shards of clinging glass inside the frame

    a magled wreck, a home for no one
    unkept and uncertain

    the party walked through, room to room, surmising the extent of the labor that would recessitate this mansion
    imagining the nurturing and the seeds and the decor of the halls

    unlike anything they had ever seen, this place blinked, half asleep and bored,
    waiting on, perhaps nothing
    dismally portraying gloom and lack of faith

    but the people were loyal and like a lively stream of dna, quick to sttract themselves to the place
    fondly carresing every hole and crack and scars of injured pride

    for a while they all simply knelt down inside the place, humming,
    closing their eyes
    praying
    hoping
    dreaming

    making manifest

    the original spark of life that dwelled long ago
    and presently watched
    bitterly scanning the crowd for any hint of conviction




    Submitted on 2011-11-15 09:36:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      What an interesting read. I totally expected for the house to become "magically" revived at the end. Instead I was met with cynicism and contempt. It makes me think of children I've taught in the past that have come from broken homes--not just divorce. But truly broken homes where violence or drug abuse or severe neglect occurred. The apathy they seem to exude, that really only covers up their fear of opening up.

    "waiting on, perhaps nothing
    dismally portraying gloom and lack of faith"

    I really like how you use the house itself as a metaphor instead of a person or a family. If you had done that it may have come off too overly sentimental. This is good stuff.
    | Posted on 2011-11-30 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]
      this is really awesome, im extremely happy i read this. great job, thats all i can really say

    keep it up, and hopefully ill be reading more great pieces from you


    - kase
    | Posted on 2011-11-18 00:00:00 | by kase | [ Reply to This ]


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