Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: House vs Homedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 187
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 599
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1278



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHouse vs Homedots
    -------------------------------------------


    A congregated people stepped through the entrance of an abandoned house,
    with intent to cultivate

    the walls were sturdy but ugly, like weakening limbs
    windows were akwardly gazing, making quick eye movements from jagged shards of clinging glass inside the frame

    a magled wreck, a home for no one
    unkept and uncertain

    the party walked through, room to room, surmising the extent of the labor that would recessitate this mansion
    imagining the nurturing and the seeds and the decor of the halls

    unlike anything they had ever seen, this place blinked, half asleep and bored,
    waiting on, perhaps nothing
    dismally portraying gloom and lack of faith

    but the people were loyal and like a lively stream of dna, quick to sttract themselves to the place
    fondly carresing every hole and crack and scars of injured pride

    for a while they all simply knelt down inside the place, humming,
    closing their eyes
    praying
    hoping
    dreaming

    making manifest

    the original spark of life that dwelled long ago
    and presently watched
    bitterly scanning the crowd for any hint of conviction




    Submitted on 2011-11-15 09:36:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      What an interesting read. I totally expected for the house to become "magically" revived at the end. Instead I was met with cynicism and contempt. It makes me think of children I've taught in the past that have come from broken homes--not just divorce. But truly broken homes where violence or drug abuse or severe neglect occurred. The apathy they seem to exude, that really only covers up their fear of opening up.

    "waiting on, perhaps nothing
    dismally portraying gloom and lack of faith"

    I really like how you use the house itself as a metaphor instead of a person or a family. If you had done that it may have come off too overly sentimental. This is good stuff.
    | Posted on 2011-11-30 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]
      this is really awesome, im extremely happy i read this. great job, thats all i can really say

    keep it up, and hopefully ill be reading more great pieces from you


    - kase
    | Posted on 2011-11-18 00:00:00 | by kase | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    193266

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Dream written by closetpoet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Love written by saartha
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Records I written by Raphael
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    untitled written by ShyOne

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry