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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Arianna Againdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: WolfStar
    ASL Info:    26/F/California
    Elite Ratio:    6.85 - 119/130/46
    Words: 235
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 519
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1615



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsArianna Againdots
    -------------------------------------------


    To have her in my thoughts
    is to have only her best and least,
    for in these moments
    she is all softness and slender hopes;
    memory shies from her fiery features,
    dulling the mesmerizing fright
    that overcomes at her presence.
    For these are the elements of her reality,
    the starkness, the points of her boldness
    that stick the very center
    so precise, so presently
    that in years later cannot be recalled as duty obliges;
    only in dimly bastardized half-remembrances
    can a poor rendering of her fire be made,
    for time shrinks from unpleasant sensation,
    mercifully and yet without justice
    sanding away the harshness of white-hot words
    and tempestuous tempers
    until thoughts of her are naught
    but the leavings of so many pains,
    safe, comforting, and altogether unsatisfying.

    In her there is a universe of passages
    limned by human trespass;
    of those who drink of life but are never satisfied,
    of those who grasp in vain but cannot hold,
    of those who sigh within the folds of grief,
    of those whose laughter sings
    like so many small and happy birds,
    of those whose tales unknown
    coalesce gently into her drinking lips.
    At once the receptacle of the muchness of life
    and the force by which it is turned loose
    upon the unsuspecting world,
    she is the scent that wakes the weary,
    the blade that strikes the innocent,
    lawmaker and law breaker,
    lingering and uncatchable.




    Submitted on 2011-11-15 21:56:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Very nice work here.
    I did not give name to what I most recently wrote as there are many and why limit oneself? One of those things... the one time I write of the dark mother or aspect thereof it seems I trip over more such everywhere I turn. Coincidence? But here we go into the holiday season which coincides with the darkest season. Gotta love it!
    | Posted on 2011-11-18 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked best the part that says sandinig away the harshness of white hot words. How time makes one forget even the words. But one will recall an unpleasant event did occur. And how blame fell. Its picturic in its abstract-ness yet its theme is not alien to anyone. The essence of strong persons and how time prompts forgetfulness. Good job
    | Posted on 2011-11-16 00:00:00 | by Temidayo | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed this poem very much. There is something very classic about it; how the language flows and transcends the generic nondescript vernacular we use today.

    There is an undeniable softness here, even though there are many lines that also show a sort of starkness; in other words it succeeds in texture, having enough of both silk and steel.

    My only small nitpick is the word "bastardized." I found it jarring because it doesn't seem to mesh with the tone or style of speech you have used in the rest of the piece.

    All in all, though, this is a marvelously heartfelt piece holding many poignant, standout lines and phrases that capture the attention.

    I particularly enjoyed the wordplay of "tempestuous tempers," followed by until thoughts are naught... but the leavings of so many pains" and the opening lines of the second stanza are phenomenal. I also liked the comparison of her laugh to "so many small and happy birds," rendering her a small and delicate vessel that nonetheless holds mystery as "tales unknown... coalesce gently into her drinking lips." Once again, a combination of heaviness and lightness that pull the reader in two directions. Excellent.

    I feel the speaker in this poem saying that memory can never compare to the present wonder of being. There is a small fear that time will only dull the keen clarity of her.

    I am reminded of the poem "More Strong than Time," by Victor Hugo, of its transcendental language and outpouring of love towards another human soul.

    Take Care,
    Erin
    | Posted on 2011-11-16 00:00:00 | by Soul-Hugger | [ Reply to This ]
      this piece seems to float, creating wisps of soft images, steering the reader away from harsh precision. i like that....

    "a universe of passages..." nice line. creates the illusion of infinity...no boundaries...

    nice write...
    | Posted on 2011-11-16 00:00:00 | by rubie | [ Reply to This ]
      she is an enigma...she is a combination of so many elements..

    she is only herself, yet not herself...

    a woman is many things all at once...but more than anything, full of surprises...

    the last three lines are really a kicker...
    "lingering and uncatchable"

    like a myth...

    very descriptive piece of poetry...in its abstractness...i like it precisely.


    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-11-15 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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