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    dots Submission Name: Cold Birdsdots

    Author: JanePlane
    ASL Info:    125/F/everyplane
    Elite Ratio:    6.77 - 419/434/131
    Words: 62
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 339
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 369


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    dotsCold Birdsdots

    With this first frost I see the paleness
    in the blue sky
    It reminds me of naked limbs, dark up-shoots
    of branch and trunk holed up beneath it

    And just like that
    the chickadee sings
    telling me to quiet my crying
    for spring

    That life lives hard and cold in winter
    but it does live

    Submitted on 2011-11-21 00:20:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The "first frost" reminds me of the desolation and debauchery world unity truly is to the denizens of earth . The denuded tree of life standing bravely in the frigid cold clinging adamantly to the core of its life . And then the chickadee , despite the hardships , sings its uplifting song of hope and defiance . Leaving us to ponder the true stolidity of life even in the face of depravity and harsh existence . This one moved me .

    | Posted on 2011-12-06 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
    | Posted on 2011-11-27 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]
      I always worry about birds in the winter... how they survive, and how I think I can't... those tiny little feet in the ice. Egrets in the icy rivers. How I wish I could not feel cold. Beautiful piece. It makes me wish I had more firewood.
    | Posted on 2011-11-26 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this very much. Many of our poetry cry, but few tell us to quite crying, and in such a good way too. They say a lot of things about tough people. When the going gets tough, the tough get going. Tough times fade but tough people do not. Yes. Great work.
    | Posted on 2011-11-22 00:00:00 | by coloredstone | [ Reply to This ]

    like the title...some birds just don't fly south for the winter..they don't escape the hard times...they stay and face them.
    | Posted on 2011-11-21 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      i might agree about the last line being "but lives just the same"

    but i like the segments..fall, the thought of spring implied, and winter...harsh as it is...we live through it...i see a nice metaphor for life here...

    it throws us tough weather...but we weather the storms, the cold...things that break our heart...and in spring we will be renewed...maybe not so much reborn..because all that happens to us makes us feel alive.

    and we have to live through the bad to appreciate the good more.

    less is more..i always say..and this leaves us thinking...leaves us to see what we see.

    | Posted on 2011-11-21 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      This is good, however I have feelings of wanting more. Almost as if I would expect a few more lines going into detail ofvthe warmth and birth of new life one witnesses in the spring. Maybe even talk of the first spring showers and how its a relief to the newly thawed out ground. Then counter it with the part where winter has life of its own.

    Of course these are just some thoughts of mine, take them as you will :)

    also for some reason I want to read the last line as "but lives just the same" instead of "but it lives". Maybe that has something to do with you using it?? Idk again, just sone thoughts. But anyway, sweet just the same. Thanks for sharing!

    | Posted on 2011-11-21 00:00:00 | by AEREASSAULT | [ Reply to This ]
      I love it. I know that isn't the most constructive, but that's the gut reaction. Echoes my feelings of the season so much. The broken line phrasing makes me think of the cold, the personification of the tree huddling for warmth. I even think the rhythm of the chickadee line sounds like a bird song. Looking forward to more!
    | Posted on 2011-11-21 00:00:00 | by thezeroman88 | [ Reply to This ]

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