Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Rise


Author: Runes
Elite Ratio:    5.29 - 790 /815 /281
Words: 69
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1534
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 546



Description:


for Clayman


Rise



We have become Angels:
asexual and indifferent,
All-Knowing,
unwilling to lose our wings
to Human fire,
our feet badly scarred
from walking on coals.
We dream in smoke,
our hatred makes ashes
and even when paired,
we are always
Alone.

We have become Angels,
deadly, decisive,
exclusive in numbers
that add up to One.
We belong to the stars,
cold-spaced and distant,
with only Darkness
touching our hearts.




Submitted on 2011-11-25 10:58:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  Poetic indeed even if the theology is quite arguable by those who actually believe in angels, fallen or otherwise. Nice compliment.
| Posted on 2011-11-25 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
  Jennifer

read around the technical stuff, sorry but your piece sparked a bit of a concept about scientific rhetoric, but it all relates to relationships in this piece and solving the puzzle may help you write more with similar relationships naturally. but skip down to the bottom after the large space after the next text down. i'm going to take your title operative-ly.--although i hope you know i don't support nor do i believe in any form of human to human harm, although considering the level of subjectivism that may be how it seams for some people, but i'm working on algorithms really. and this as in your piece, to me, describes poetic-meme-logy.

http://www.eliteskills.com/z/193374

but yep that's how i read your piece. haha i think i killed saint jimmy.(as in i didn't follow the es commandments)

Ryan

by the way i mean --that--
| Posted on 2011-11-25 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]
  Despite the contrast between the two stanzas, there is still a beautiful symmetry here enhanced by the fact that the opening lines are the same even though they take the stanzas in different directions.

Terrific piece!!
| Posted on 2011-11-25 00:00:00 | by rubie | [ Reply to This ]
  i agree with Matt...the first stanza mixes images which could refer to the Holocaust while at the same time speaking of passion's fire, hot coals etc.

but it all burns away as we get to know what life is going to do to us...and it makes us strangers to love. We become cold and distant.
And only darkness touches our heart...to the point where even being paired with another, we are still alone.

beautiful and sad piece

jacob
| Posted on 2011-11-25 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
  I love the contrast of the two stanzas.
The rising of the immaculate.
Subtle and beautiful
Beautiful and terrible.
Like how the Nazis saw themselves: Perfect.
Yet we know them now as monsters.

We have become angels.
What a phrase!

Very nice

Matt
| Posted on 2011-11-25 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



193368