Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Retreatdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: saartha
    ASL Info:    27/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 230/390/136
    Words: 40
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 895
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 275



    Description:
       Lecture poems set 2.5.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRetreatdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Soon, the last stone
    was found in place

    and maybe something was said,
    there in the breath between wall
    and walled-in

    sorry, or I am so
    tired, or simply amen

    ah, God
    amen.






    Submitted on 2011-12-02 11:29:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I'd say I've read this one at least 50 times on 10 different days. I think that all but the first few words are perfect.

    I find the SOON, and the the last stone WAS found

    was found.

    it's fascinating, like you are stepping into a time warp where the projected future and the past are concurrently inhabiting what is not possible.

    At some other point I may actually talk about the rest of the poem but, I really like how that particular phrasing gives me the sense of someone who might spend time around archeological digs, speaking to themselves, of themselves- in that way it's thoroughly haunting, like they might be describing their own death, the thought pointing to a lack of life and therefore, it makes everything else most relevant. I like the thought that that phrasing and or - glitch was like a secret window to the poem and to me, that 'Soon,' represents the last stone.

    Honestly, I don't think I have come across anything that strikes me with such utter sadness. She has sealed herself in.
    | Posted on 2012-01-29 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      That's very nice. Final word "God" but always the amen. Exclamation, declaration, adoration, resignation all found in one three letter word.
    | Posted on 2011-12-03 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      this reminds me of a cairn for some reason. placing that last rock. that last good-bye. that last amen. that god-awful-i'm-so-tired last hurrah.

    i think i've always been drawn to them. maybe because of the physicality of it all. the purposeful movement of stacking stones just so.

    i love the second stanza here. the breath between wall and walled-in just up and down lingers for me.

    anyhoo,

    just some thoughts.
    | Posted on 2011-12-02 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]
      when the final words of the lecture are said, we stir...where have we been? what has been said?

    perhaps it was worthwhile...but now it is in the wall of my brain, or walled-in where i can't get to it, can't remember it.

    i like the last two stanzas..."sorry," or "amen"; i'm not sure what to say, i haven't been paying attention--

    and this is so true in relationships..one will tune out the other as if listening to a lecture..

    "sorry, what were you saying?"
    at times it isn't that we didn't hear, it is that we didn't like what we were hearing and played the old "selective hearing" card.

    from the bottom of the deck.

    simply said, shortly said...well said.

    again...the good in brevity, leaves us much space between the wall, to see what we see, and hear what we hear.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-12-02 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    193431

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Stretto written by saartha
    Sanctimony written by MyPeriodical
    HeroĆ­na written by MyPeriodical
    Leyenda de Un Maldito Cobarde written by MyPeriodical
    Instances written by hyproglo
    untitled written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Rezar por la naturaleza written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    That Kind of Love Never Brought Me Flowers written by Jazzy
    Legends written by poetotoe
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Everyone written by poetotoe
    Two hundred and seven times written by MyPeriodical
    Chasing The Lie written by jackz
    Labor Pains written by MyPeriodical
    To Be written by MyPeriodical
    Silly Rulers. written by MyPeriodical
    I am still sorry. written by MyPeriodical
    Tired Vine written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Human Progression written by ForgottenGraves
    I am a sorry son. Part two written by MyPeriodical
    I am a sorry son. written by MyPeriodical
    One day older, One year wiser. written by Rhythmal
    Gone written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry