[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: This Nasty...dots

    Author: Ceyx
    Elite Ratio:    5.69 - 111/107/81
    Words: 189
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 319
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1507

       -Found this in a Word document I'm using for editing videos... figured I may as well post it here.
    It's from, at least, two years ago now...
    Apparently I'd just watched Die unendliche Geschichte and had the story of Persephone on my mind...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThis Nasty...dots

    The center is Nothing.

    Emptiness; The Hollow.
    -We don't talk of the nasty...

    The chariot arches o'er the void
    "Out!" cries The Oracle at The Temple of Apollo
    And now damp Spring
    -The tolling ring
    She is once more among us
    She will not eat
    She's incomplete
    The very water drawn from the well shall remind her of her Hel
    So cold an blue,
    My hand passes through and come the snow...
    gone once more.

    (I can't help but imagine the nasty.)

    Surely, a feast in your honor awaits once-
                knuckles shatter 'gainst the door
    My insides tremble as I fall to the-

    This plant is dead
    It's colour gone.
    Can't help it but to think of wrongs
    -Life is not living when worries are wrought
    -This is no freedom for freedoms form naughts
    -Faster and FASTER, Life calls out: "Disaster!" and...

    I'll go back.

    And I'll wait.

    (for the seasons to change)

    And for as long as I bleed I will not acknowledge the unseen.

    Submitted on 2011-12-05 08:21:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This is a very phonetically pleasant poem. In the way that whore fills out the right sound of more, and how floor seems present in spite of being all but. I have to admit that I am pretty impressed in that regard with this piece (I feel like it is something often too ignored by writers). In the way of constructive criticism I would only have this to say:
    Can't help it but to think of wrongs
    I feel like the middle part of this verse kind of chokes up. Maybe it's just how I am reading it (as that can often be the case with things like this).

    I also appreciate that this "Nothing" or center, or what appears to be the nasty, is not really described in a categorical fashion (as in, with labels, and broad definers). I am personally a fan of postmodern literature like "No exit" or "The Trial", and in a similar fashion, this reads like an ostensibly meaningful lack of definitiveness. I just feel like, the last line namingly, doesn't give enough form to the pursuit of this nothing (not so much the why as, per se, the forcefulness of the indefinite; it isn't forceful enough).

    But I also realize the piece is, as you said, old. For what it's worth I actually enjoyed it.

    | Posted on 2011-12-11 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love written by saartha
    Cover written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    prison written by ShyOne
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Carry written by saartha




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]