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    dots Submission Name: Filesdots

    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 79
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 810
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 491


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    who am I suppose to be today
    as I sit here and sort out my lies

    different colored character features
    all part of a carefully constructed disguise
    Like Armour Today, I call myself strong

    I'm looking at this silver coated arifact

    Reflected are the things that I can't see
    the things under here that are truly me

    Today I am a tank and I roll over the things that stand against me

    Submitted on 2011-12-06 13:56:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      The truth in this good. But then, truth is always good, even when it hurts, perhaps especially so. I liked this. However, I do enjoy a bit of rhythm in a piece if a piece calls for it. This one didn't have that consistently in my mind. Was that the intent? Not to really have a rhythm? I would take "out" from the second line, a better flow. The second part doesn't quite seem to fit together when I read aloud. I'd reduce syllables. For instance, I'd remove "colored" and replace with "hue" I would remove "character" altogether. Also, one part puzzled me: "Reflected are the things I cannot see/the things under here that are truly me" If you cannot see them...how do you know they are truly you? I got the bubbling oil of this write so I liked it. There is a burning in it.
    | Posted on 2013-05-04 00:00:00 | by CNPerry | [ Reply to This ]
      Honest, fun, humorous, and short. all my favorite things in a poem. granted i tend to like poems most people hate lol. i did enjoy reading this one, i hope you write more like it. im not very good at critique, but im sure some one else will.
    | Posted on 2011-12-12 00:00:00 | by Mr.Ordinary | [ Reply to This ]

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