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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fabricdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 78
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 708
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 533



    Description:
       I find myself stuck on this one... like it is waiting for what awaits me in my attempt at courting the girl I see in these words. Which ever way that goes then I feel the end will come to me.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFabricdots
    -------------------------------------------


    You left a hole
    in the fabric of my life.
    Just below the heart
    your claws caught hold.


    Now hands tremble
    as I try to write this patch
    to keep from unraveling.


    But in the onset of night
    can't shake the feeling
    that's just what I need.


    Time to stand up
    cast the pretense aside.


    And yours is the
    bright light
    I've been searching for.






    Submitted on 2011-12-14 16:23:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I've always liked the metaphor of fabric or sheets. I use it a lot myself.
    I think you should have carried the metaphor throughout the entire poem, not just the first 2 stanzas. I think it would make the poem a whole lot stronger.
    When you strayed from the metaphor it was sort of a turn off.

    I really like what you have in stanza 2. It's the reason I'm commenting.
    It speaks well for the catharsis that is writing. A pen can be a lot like a needle in how we use it to sew our lives back together.

    Matt
    | Posted on 2011-12-15 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]


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