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Author: Mithrandir
ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452 /681 /113
Words: 78
Class/Type: Poetry /Passion
Total Views: 1568
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 533


I find myself stuck on this one... like it is waiting for what awaits me in my attempt at courting the girl I see in these words. Which ever way that goes then I feel the end will come to me.


You left a hole
in the fabric of my life.
Just below the heart
your claws caught hold.

Now hands tremble
as I try to write this patch
to keep from unraveling.

But in the onset of night
can't shake the feeling
that's just what I need.

Time to stand up
cast the pretense aside.

And yours is the
bright light
I've been searching for.

Submitted on 2011-12-14 16:23:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
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  I've always liked the metaphor of fabric or sheets. I use it a lot myself.
I think you should have carried the metaphor throughout the entire poem, not just the first 2 stanzas. I think it would make the poem a whole lot stronger.
When you strayed from the metaphor it was sort of a turn off.

I really like what you have in stanza 2. It's the reason I'm commenting.
It speaks well for the catharsis that is writing. A pen can be a lot like a needle in how we use it to sew our lives back together.

| Posted on 2011-12-15 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]

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