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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Window Edges dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: TheStillSilence
    ASL Info:    20/F/Out in Outer Space
    Elite Ratio:    4.97 - 180/113/59
    Words: 1
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1015
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 0



    Description:
       [Note: Very rough draft]


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWindow Edges dots
    -------------------------------------------






    Submitted on 2011-12-15 19:47:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      For a 'very rough draft', this piece feels pretty smooth and complete.

    I love the feel of this piece; using future tense, yet carrying an undeniable feeling of past tense. And what is left? The present. Our present moments tend to linger in the past, reliving past mistakes and filling us with many regrets. This in turn makes us want to change the present so that the past doesn't repeat itself in the future. Just thinking about this kind of thinking sounds mind-boggling, and yet we do it all the time without much difficulty.

    "'Breezes are nice,' you'll whisper. 'I wish I could feel this way for the rest of my life.'"

    Yes, they are very nice. If only every day had gentle breezes...even strong winds can be nice too, strong and wild, energizing, freeing. The wind in general is a lovely thing.

    And then that ending...it sounds both beautiful and painful...accepting death in order to feel the breeze for the 'rest of [her] life', which will end the moment she strikes the ground. At least, that appears to be the most obvious conclusion gathered from the last stanza.

    A very accomplished draft. Kudos.

    -Sorrow
    | Posted on 2011-12-16 00:00:00 | by SorrowWing | [ Reply to This ]


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