[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: dark spotdots

    Author: JanePlane
    ASL Info:    125/F/everyplane
    Elite Ratio:    6.76 - 415/433/130
    Words: 52
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 237
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 345


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsdark spotdots

    dark spot

    what is this I keep poking at
    this dark spot
    this pale bone
    in you

    what touches me here in this
    fog and stone
    this sharp rock
    this steep mountain tip

    are you dear?
    are you loving me?

    not so
    not so

    I fear

    Submitted on 2011-12-17 11:35:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like this Jane, the most sure of itself stuff i've read from you. kind of reminds me of something you might read on deadbell's page.

    the sonics are shellacking. connected simply
    and yet it is doing a lot. and not to make my own point but you can understand it and still be confused by it and this sort of adds to the enjoyment.

    when i say 'could' here i don't mean it in a fishing for meaning sort of way, i mean it in the it's fascinating way,
    and the author has set that up.

    So, first read, and still, i think that 'are you dear' is superbly placed. are you there? are you of your heart the way i am of my heart- are you dear?

    i reckon you could perhaps use 'steep' more actively in this poem.


    mountain. up.


    And, the poem can be about a person spiritually, emotionally, or it can be about the ins and outs of a fuck - spiritually & emotionally.

    I like it, the thought is there the narrator is the one being poked at, and in herself, is a bit absent.

    And, this ^ was my last thought but seems to bring the strongest instinct.

    Then, structurally the poem wains and ends up
    as a dark spot. It's cleverness on multiple fronts and therefore you don't need to know it exactly, it's just fascinating (for yourself) that the possibilities exist.

    The repetition of not so not so is great too.

    You have created a white dwarf. a rich and densely layered poem.
    | Posted on 2012-02-09 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very artistic in structure, very observant as well. I see a wonderful person who has noticed this thing and is afraid of being disappointed, would like to ignore the spot if they could, still something isn't sitting right with them.

    I think this was unique and I think that is my favorite thing about it.

    The tone and thoughtfulness of presentation gave it substance.

    Thanks for sharing.
    | Posted on 2011-12-23 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      longing is sometimes a shameful feeling. i suppose this is more like wanting to see the unknown. the mystery can be bad. i guess it's my interpretation of dark spot. sometimes poking a dark spot isn't good. might have seemed to be fog on a road, or a cold stone on a river bed, but in the end it could be a bruise, and the fog is created by poking. sometimes we have to know what it is we're looking at when with a person.(or not) so a little poking is a good thing. perhaps don't fear you're not loved by one and instead hope you're loved by another. why wait forever to be with the concept of a person when all the prodding may in the end to only expose something darker than expected. i'm at a very weird place so i guess all i have to offer is complete and total self contradiction. i guess what i'm saying is seems like a time to reflect.
    | Posted on 2011-12-18 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]
      I love this piece....because I've been there too. It's relatable and authentic for me...

    That questioning, that uncertainty, that feeling that the other is holding something back.....it's a hinderance to the entire relationship in so many ways.

    The contrast is wonderful...."dark spot" and "pale bone"...and "fog" and "stone". texturally different, yet both opaque....

    I do enjoy visiting your pieces so very much.....

    | Posted on 2011-12-18 00:00:00 | by rubie | [ Reply to This ]
      i have felt this in relationships..that dark spot in the other...there is suspicion, mistrust, anger, then fear...

    something is amiss..something that is being kept from me...a part of you that you no longer share...

    i can feel the evasiveness...i can feel you pulling away, even though you deny it.

    i am answering my own questions, because you won't...

    | Posted on 2011-12-17 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      What you seem to be missing here is the concept of original sin . Conversely , just because where corporeally preternatural doesn't mean we can't aspire to the ethereally sublime . Even though each and every one of us are somewhat anomalously punitive of metabolic melding that doesn't keep me from enjoying the chicanery dynamism fealty I experience as I stumble over the sharp rocks and mountain tops of your topography . Just because your savage beauty's innocence is a little bit jagged doesn't mean you don't love me , or I you (platonically of course , after all this is E.S. Not my boudoir) . You should try my poem "Dream" . It speaks of the love between man and woman (not necessarily as lovers) . Like when in doubt transpicuous-ness is often the best solution .

    | Posted on 2011-12-17 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
      Dark spot, something unknown.

    I'm thinking tip toe rather than poking. But poking does indicate a testing, questioning. Does he love her? How often must this be asked? Been around one lady for over 35 years and she's still poking. Let's not take things for granted, ever.... Not like a satisfactory answer would ever come from just asking.

    There is a progression leading to mountain tip, an uncommon term as compared to top but tip also indicates something sharp and potentially painful, keeping in theme.

    Being male, this takes a little extra thought but I appreciate what your'e saying (at least to me) here.
    | Posted on 2011-12-17 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]