Description: Family reunion I was so looking forward to, then this evening I got an e-mail from my older brother who will not speak to me and has not for 5yrs, telling me he is only attending the reunion for the family and afterward he has no intention on staying in contact because of things I did yrs ago he stopped speaking to be before the drugs before it all...
I'm lost within the haze of the "Brand New Me"...
Am I, the only one who can see a change?
Has my two year journey been fruitless?
No one bothers to notice my accomplishments or the obvious change
Yet, I bet they'd all notice me falling flat on my face...
I ask you,
What is wrong with me?
Why am I the only one who can see the lengthy strides I have made in my life?
Efforts that only came about due to personal strength and perseverance
I fell so many times at one point thatís all I thought I would ever do
But eventually I learned to walk all over again
And I did it on my own
I am no longer the drug addict I once was
And I am doing my best to move past the sexual abuse I experienced
What can I do, I beg you please do not kick me to this curb you will break all I have worked so hard for!
I have no one...
Not a family of my own
And it has become apparent, my own family wishes to disown me...
All my efforts, all this change I did for me... But also with hopes that you could love me
I could have a mommy...
I could have my big brother back..
And most of all I could be Daddy's little girl! With no sexual actions between us..
Yet again I am sadly mistaken...
I am off to walk these paths of my life alone
I think it incredible, selfless and brave that you even seek their forgiveness and want to please them still, that you have gone out of your way to prove your worth when it is obvious they never saw it from day one. It is not difficult to see what brought you here and if they and anyone else cannot take that into account im sorry but it is entirely their loss. Be proud of all you have achieved and once again surround yourself with those who can truly see and appreciate you.
Lets just say this
sometimes in the hurt we cause others they find it harder to love us because they feel "the fall" coming. And if this love was mutual, as what you feel for them they felt it as strongly for you, it will take more than a couple years to heal this and you cannot expect anything more form them. They couldn't ask you to cut it out when they were being hurt by you maybe they did but because of your sickness you didnt see their cries for help....please dont take this harshly as I dont mean it to be, Ive been on both side of this table and it is a long situation but know if you really do care about everything about these people love will change their minds they are only sour and angry because they love you and they are hurt, give them the time they need if it is them that you want. Your words are beautiful, continue to let your words speak you anger in these moments, this is what will truly set you fee...I believe you can change this...show em