Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: memoriesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Dark Dann
    ASL Info:    18/ Male/ San Diego
    Elite Ratio:    6.44 - 78/67/53
    Words: 323
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 460
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1898



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsmemoriesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    One two three four

    Do you remember the day we met?
    We so shy, so filled with wonder.
    you had beauty like no other
    And I was a stranger, yet
    We become close,
    We could have spent together
    for the rest of our lives.

    Do you remember when we first met?
    The sky was dark in shades, and it raining down
    We had nothing really to get
    But the day we met was a day I'd never forget.

    Not a day a day goes by
    That I don't think of you
    I always found it so hard
    That I found someone like you
    My life had been so dark
    Till I had you by my side.

    Remember the days we would fight?
    I would always say I was right
    Do you remember the day
    I first opened up to you?
    It was a day so gray
    And yet I had you
    You had me changing my mind
    you got me changing from the inside.

    Do you remember Alex?
    Oh, my precious Alex.
    Do you remember the romance?
    And how many times we fought
    it wasn't your typical bromance.
    We fought with our hearts.

    And not a day goes by
    That I don't think of you
    You mean so much to me.
    I hope you can see.
    I hope we can be
    Friends meant to be

    And not a day goes by
    That I don't think of you
    You mean so much to me.
    I hope you can see.
    I hope we can be
    Friends meant to be

    It's worth thinking back
    The talks, the music, the time we spend
    You rescued me
    From drowning in my life
    Some say it's easier to give up on me
    But you proved them wrong
    Thank you for rescuing me
    In the middle of my darkest hours
    I can never say enough.




    Submitted on 2011-12-21 20:25:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like the honesty here. You're not trying to hide anything in symbolism or metaphors, but are simply giving it straight.

    One thing though..I'm curious about some of the lines. A lot of it seems really clumsy...and I like clumsy...but some it felt like typos instead of intentional clumsiness. I could be wrong though.

    This is too personal to not be good.

    Good write

    Matt
    | Posted on 2011-12-22 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    193690

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    AI written by poetotoe
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Love written by saartha
    written by Daniel Barlow
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Push written by JanePlane
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    True Death written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Whiteout written by layDsayD

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry