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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: memoriesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Dark Dann
    ASL Info:    18/ Male/ San Diego
    Elite Ratio:    6.44 - 78/67/53
    Words: 323
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 454
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1898



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsmemoriesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    One two three four

    Do you remember the day we met?
    We so shy, so filled with wonder.
    you had beauty like no other
    And I was a stranger, yet
    We become close,
    We could have spent together
    for the rest of our lives.

    Do you remember when we first met?
    The sky was dark in shades, and it raining down
    We had nothing really to get
    But the day we met was a day I'd never forget.

    Not a day a day goes by
    That I don't think of you
    I always found it so hard
    That I found someone like you
    My life had been so dark
    Till I had you by my side.

    Remember the days we would fight?
    I would always say I was right
    Do you remember the day
    I first opened up to you?
    It was a day so gray
    And yet I had you
    You had me changing my mind
    you got me changing from the inside.

    Do you remember Alex?
    Oh, my precious Alex.
    Do you remember the romance?
    And how many times we fought
    it wasn't your typical bromance.
    We fought with our hearts.

    And not a day goes by
    That I don't think of you
    You mean so much to me.
    I hope you can see.
    I hope we can be
    Friends meant to be

    And not a day goes by
    That I don't think of you
    You mean so much to me.
    I hope you can see.
    I hope we can be
    Friends meant to be

    It's worth thinking back
    The talks, the music, the time we spend
    You rescued me
    From drowning in my life
    Some say it's easier to give up on me
    But you proved them wrong
    Thank you for rescuing me
    In the middle of my darkest hours
    I can never say enough.




    Submitted on 2011-12-21 20:25:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the honesty here. You're not trying to hide anything in symbolism or metaphors, but are simply giving it straight.

    One thing though..I'm curious about some of the lines. A lot of it seems really clumsy...and I like clumsy...but some it felt like typos instead of intentional clumsiness. I could be wrong though.

    This is too personal to not be good.

    Good write

    Matt
    | Posted on 2011-12-22 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    9. How could it be improved?
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    12. Does it feel original?



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