Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Family Values?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: EW61
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 131/71/51
    Words: 72
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 688
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 605



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFamily Values?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Can anybody hear me?
    Silence, the reply
    Blank Stares
    Who cares?
    Wonder why I try

    Does anybody wonder
    Beyond safe platitudes?
    Unphased
    Self absorbed
    They'll "fix" my attitude

    Does anybody notice
    How profound
    The loneliness?
    Shame
    Self Blame
    Absorbs this strength
    They'll walk me to the great abyss

    It doesn't really matter
    When all is said
    I'm done
    Their silence is the answer
    Best pack these bags and run




    Submitted on 2011-12-29 02:38:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Honestly it almost made me tear up a bit. I was everyone's stregth, but I've become broken and can only shoulder the shame myself.

    I thought you were doing a five line kind thing until I saw that verse in which there are seven lines. Though in poetry consistancy is questionable at best. Structure leads to a more accurate understanding of your work. Although I must say I find it difficult to lay your work in a way that stil transmits the same idea or pattern of thought. The section "How profound The loneliness?Shame Self BlameAbsorbs this strength" it reads more intense in the matter you present it. So I guess I have no argument. Good work.
    | Posted on 2011-12-31 00:00:00 | by Silver20G | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    193767

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry