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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: He Promised Medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: MsUnderstood
    ASL Info:    22/ Female/ Stuart, FL
    Elite Ratio:    4.21 - 26/21/22
    Words: 107
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 717
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 701



    Description:
       This was a poem i wrote when i was 15. My boyfriend at the time was acting strange.....i thought he was cheating on me henceforth poem time


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    dotsHe Promised Medots
    -------------------------------------------


    He says he'll never leave
    but that's so hard to believe
    For the future you cannot predict
    I feel so bad that I should kick
    myself in the ass for not believing
    In his true meaning
    He says that he loves me
    And that he'll never leave
    Although the years pass by quick
    my life has always had a flick
    like a flame on and off
    Why does he scoff
    when I show concern
    but he doesn't know that it's his love I yearn
    I love him more than anything
    so I really hope that there's no fling
    Please promise me
    you'll never leave

    ~Ms.Understood




    Submitted on 2011-12-29 08:56:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i definitely agree with jp...there are such strong emotions in this write..but could be made into a much more powerful poem with use of metaphor and more indirect writing...show the feelings with your words...there is much telling in this..a bit too straightforward....but you could use these emotions and make them really work...

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-12-29 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      thanks- ill def. keep that in mind
    | Posted on 2011-12-29 00:00:00 | by MsUnderstood | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a good stream of conscience piece...its heartfelt, honest and sincere. next time i would love if you "show" (use metaphor/images) rather than "tell" me what happens/your emotions.

    overall, good job.

    -JP
    | Posted on 2011-12-29 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a good stream of conscience piece...its heartfelt, honest and sincere. next time i would love if you "show" (use metaphor/images) rather than "tell" me what happens/your emotions.

    overall, good job.

    -JP
    | Posted on 2011-12-29 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]


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