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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Revengedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: MsUnderstood
    ASL Info:    22/ Female/ Stuart, FL
    Elite Ratio:    4.21 - 26/21/22
    Words: 70
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 489
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 424



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRevengedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I come closer with a chill

    Hopefully he took that pill

    There he is strapped to the chair

    Although he cannot bear

    The pain I give him now

    Will only make him bow

    Cuts and slashes one by one

    Until my revenge is done

    Only in my dreams shall he die

    Because right now my knifes too shy




    Submitted on 2011-12-31 09:42:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I really like the conclusion to this one.
    It reminds me of a lyric:

    "Only in my sick mind can I do these things to you."

    I like the content of this one. (Mostly because I'm feeling a bit vengeful; though my knife is too shy.)
    Not so sure about the rhythm, though.
    It read a bit clumsy.

    Play around with the syllables. Maybe that would clean it up and make it read smoother.

    Matt
    | Posted on 2011-12-31 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]


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