Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Revengedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: MsUnderstood
    ASL Info:    22/ Female/ Stuart, FL
    Elite Ratio:    4.21 - 26/21/22
    Words: 70
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 466
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 424



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRevengedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I come closer with a chill

    Hopefully he took that pill

    There he is strapped to the chair

    Although he cannot bear

    The pain I give him now

    Will only make him bow

    Cuts and slashes one by one

    Until my revenge is done

    Only in my dreams shall he die

    Because right now my knifes too shy




    Submitted on 2011-12-31 09:42:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I really like the conclusion to this one.
    It reminds me of a lyric:

    "Only in my sick mind can I do these things to you."

    I like the content of this one. (Mostly because I'm feeling a bit vengeful; though my knife is too shy.)
    Not so sure about the rhythm, though.
    It read a bit clumsy.

    Play around with the syllables. Maybe that would clean it up and make it read smoother.

    Matt
    | Posted on 2011-12-31 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    193792

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    True Death written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Carry written by saartha
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Push written by JanePlane
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Fasade written by jackz
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Every..... written by jackz
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry