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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Meetdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Brwnsknsam05
    ASL Info:    32/F/ Cuba
    Elite Ratio:    4.78 - 399/440/103
    Words: 130
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 486
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 806



    Description:
       Meet me there...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMeetdots
    -------------------------------------------


    You whispered...
    Told me lies in my ear
    Ones I believed like the stories of the Bible
    I listened
    I listened to you so intently that satin didn't even feel as good

    I knew I could meet you in the middle
    I knew that I could find you if I wanted you
    I knew that there was no other like you
    No prison could hold you
    My arms couldn't wrap around you

    Satin sheets fall to the floor
    Warm currents heat up every peice of my chest
    And I can't find you anywhere
    Prisoner of my own heart
    I've left the door unlocked
    Bodies laying knit together...
    The ways you used to love me...

    Meet me back at that place
    Love me back at that place
    Again...




    Submitted on 2012-01-03 01:38:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think this had flow. The repetition lets the reader understand the longing and impatience for this meeting.

    I wasnt sure about the mention of satin in one context you say that you cant feel it and then you bring it up again in use of imagery. I wasnt sure if thaf had meaning, I hope there is something about it I am missing otherwise it seems pointlessly inconsistent. Let me know. Otherwise I enjoyed the vulnerability of this. Thanks for sharing.
    | Posted on 2016-06-01 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      While this piece give a general idea of what you are feeling I feel that a little more flow would have been more effective. The entire piece is kind of choppy and on edge. I understand where you are coming from, but put me there, make me feel it as you feel it.



    Mikey Bee
    | Posted on 2012-01-07 00:00:00 | by MikeyBee | [ Reply to This ]


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