Told me lies in my ear
Ones I believed like the stories of the Bible
I listened to you so intently that satin didn't even feel as good
I knew I could meet you in the middle
I knew that I could find you if I wanted you
I knew that there was no other like you
No prison could hold you
My arms couldn't wrap around you
Satin sheets fall to the floor
Warm currents heat up every peice of my chest
And I can't find you anywhere
Prisoner of my own heart
I've left the door unlocked
Bodies laying knit together...
The ways you used to love me...
Meet me back at that place
Love me back at that place
I think this had flow. The repetition lets the reader understand the longing and impatience for this meeting.
I wasnt sure about the mention of satin in one context you say that you cant feel it and then you bring it up again in use of imagery. I wasnt sure if thaf had meaning, I hope there is something about it I am missing otherwise it seems pointlessly inconsistent. Let me know. Otherwise I enjoyed the vulnerability of this. Thanks for sharing.
While this piece give a general idea of what you are feeling I feel that a little more flow would have been more effective. The entire piece is kind of choppy and on edge. I understand where you are coming from, but put me there, make me feel it as you feel it.