[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The 13th Daydots

    Author: JanePlane
    ASL Info:    125/F/everyplane
    Elite Ratio:    6.76 - 415/433/130
    Words: 79
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 422
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 521


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe 13th Daydots

    I stepped into a world inside a world
    where everyone was smiling.
    there was singing there
    and dancing
    hugging and sharing
    and twinkling lights
    and I looked on
    this was the place that was going to be home
    it smelled of cinnamon and cypress
    it tasted of hot cocoa
    and it felt like sitting by a warm hearth
    finally, the torment was too great
    finally, I took the lights down
    and burned the tree

    Submitted on 2012-01-03 07:33:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Nothing lasts forever, not even home. Huh, this is very interesting, the perspective is really different than most things that I find.

    I definately get the seasonal thing that most of your comments are speaking of, the lights the smells, ect.

    It is a comfortable and familiar piece.

    I do like that the burning of the tree is an active thing here, the speaker so delighted by the sensual attractiveness of everything they call home decides to burn it all. It is a very independant and confident thing. That their home isn't something they derive from the senses, and spiritually they are not carnally minded. I liked that. At first it bothered me that they would initiate the destruction of something that they enjoyed so much, but it is a realistic piece for that and I enjoyed it for that reason.

    It was a healthy thing.
    Thanks for sharing with me.
    Have a great day.
    Will be looking at more of your work.
    | Posted on 2012-01-05 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      There's a church around the corner from my house. Every year at Christmas, they put a sign out front: "Keep Christ in Christmas". I thought of that as I read this....it made me think that if more people remembered the significance of Christmas, this phenomenon of temporary good cheer would not be so noticeable when Christmas was over......
    | Posted on 2012-01-03 00:00:00 | by rubie | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes, the title is pretty much perfect.
    I wonder what true love did on that day?

    I've thought of this same thing, and it really is quite disheartening. It's weird how everyone can be so merry during a season, and then go back to being assholes the next day.

    I think the mirth that shines through during the holidays is innate in all of us, we've just forgotten that.

    Glad you're back!

    | Posted on 2012-01-03 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]
      i agree with the first comment one of the others too. it perfectly sums up the holidays and the fakeness of everyone around that time. i enjoyed it and i hope to continue reading your work

    going on my favorite list

    | Posted on 2012-01-03 00:00:00 | by MsUnderstood | [ Reply to This ]
      I forgot to mention, I really like the title. Good reference.
    | Posted on 2012-01-03 00:00:00 | by Silenced Hope | [ Reply to This ]
      Yup, the feeling of seasonal joy. Coming and going like cold wind. I like the concept of this piece, specifically how you ended it. Very abrupt and quick as if you kind of snapped and had to kill it but with enough sanity to take down the lights first.

    I feel like there could have been better imagery in the poem, some more elaboration on the scene with would make the abrupt ending have more oomph.

    thanks for sharing though
    | Posted on 2012-01-03 00:00:00 | by Silenced Hope | [ Reply to This ]
      ha, a little jealous of your Christmas tree? i just took decorations down, i guess burning the tree could be a good thing. a world inside a world, hmm it makes me think of a little village. packing it all away and trying to stay positive but in the end it being kind of a cumbersome task that feels better to act out at the end of. like damn you imagination. or something. this was clever though.
    | Posted on 2012-01-03 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]
      it's a lot like Christmas...always felt uncomfortable with how on Christmas Eve everyone is kind to one another...always a nice greeting...peace and love...

    and then the day after everyone and everything goes back to that coldness..

    maybe burning the tree in a bonfire...could bring back the warmth for a moment.

    and love can feel like that..like it's just a season that will end.

    | Posted on 2012-01-03 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    prison written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Cover written by saartha
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Carry written by saartha
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    The World written by jjd
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]