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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: that timedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: JanePlane
    ASL Info:    125/F/everyplane
    Elite Ratio:    6.76 - 415/433/130
    Words: 109
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 521
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 722



    Description:
       Sorry if this is a bit heavy. Pun intended. And to you poor guys out there. . . if you make it through this poem you're not a boy at all. You are a real man. lol



    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthat timedots
    -------------------------------------------


    a boy loves to speak of battle and blood
    but he grimaces at the thought of
    maxis and minis
    OB's and Tampax
    he wants to be an ostrich
    burying his head in his own
    phallus
    rather than talk to a woman
    about the blood of unfulfilled wombs
    and his own unsown seed
    spent carelessly
    wastefully
    in lust and disregard

    he accuses the pretty girl
    bent from cramps and crying
    and the ugly, angry woman
    of being "on the rag"
    but he flinches when he says it
    shivers when he thinks it

    he cannot fathom
    an ache so great
    that she bleeds without wounds




    Submitted on 2012-01-04 11:52:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
       This is good! A very fresh piece. And true for the most part. i have met some fellows that can def talk this one out,
    but seriously they have no idea,
    | Posted on 2012-01-05 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      i like how this works. people need to face their reality, simple as that. i think the puralization does work in that it makes me think of numeration. like an individual who masturbates but never thinks of the reasons he's driven to desire. women carry most of the burden in the life cycle, men do need to recognize that element.
    | Posted on 2012-01-05 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW! that was a really deep piece. it was brutal, to define it in one word. there are some extraordinary lines in this one. what i like to call the fat of a piece. you also employ very strong images. which if you haven't seen by my stuff yet, i am extremely fond of.

    he wants to be an ostrich
    burying his head in his own
    phallus

    this is so unusual thats its shocking. an ostrich/burying/head/phallus...whoa! now thats a short in the face but i understand it. we men can just be so engrossed with pleasure that we lose sight of the person. you hit on it in the next line---

    but this is my favorite and i believe the most outstanding line/piece of the poem:

    rather than talk to a woman
    about the blood of unfulfilled wombs
    and his own unsown seeds
    spent carelessly
    wastefully
    in lust and disregard

    this to me, is a really strong part. it is really soul searching. ive been guilty of this, and i am ashamed of it. the line is ponderous and ought to be seriously pondered...the only nit here is the "SEEDS". SEED is plural for sperm and is suffice. unless you had something else in mind...



    he cannot fathom
    an ache so great
    that she bleeds without wounds

    this really says a lot. it brought tears to my eyes. heck, it enlightened me. i had never thought of it like that. for me, this was the most outstanding bit of the piece.


    great job! and thats my 2 pence worth;p


    -JP
    | Posted on 2012-01-05 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]
      another add to the favorites list lol
    | Posted on 2012-01-04 00:00:00 | by MsUnderstood | [ Reply to This ]
      i love this poem... its truely awesome. i have never in my life read a poem like this its unique and i love it please dont ever change it

    ~ms.understood
    | Posted on 2012-01-04 00:00:00 | by MsUnderstood | [ Reply to This ]
      haha I love the description.
    The XY disgust for menstrual blood is not innate in us; it comes from biblical discrimination.
    Bible verses like Leviticus 20:18:

    " If a man lies with a woman during her menstrual period and uncovers her nakedness, he has made naked her fountain, and she has uncovered the fountain of her blood. Both of them shall be cut off from among their people."

    Leviticus 15:19 as well.

    and many more.

    Also, Jesus being born of a virgin. Now there is an association of virginity and purity....it's man made. Your virginity has nothing to do with your purity.

    I guess I'm a 'real man' in this respect that I am not disgusted by a woman's menstruation or her reproductive system.
    I'm a feminist in that respect. I feel that a lot of disgust and oppression of women comes from religion.
    Even Buddhism. Buddha was born from the side of his mother. Again, eliminating the genitals of a woman because it is putrid and disgusting.
    Eve being made of Adam's rib, making women beneath men and their husbands. Part of them, if you will.
    And don't get me started on Islam....

    That's why I like the middle stanza. He accuses her of it like it's a sin, and then grimaces at the thought. And you know what, I pictured a boy, not a man, pointing the finger.

    The title fits very well. (You're quite good with titles)

    This is good stuff.

    Matt
    | Posted on 2012-01-04 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]


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