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Author: eowyn
ASL Info:    23/f/australia
Elite Ratio:    5.34 - 238 /174 /86
Words: 80
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 935
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 515


Ok, so I'm not sure what I'm looking for. I just needed to get this piece out there.

The parenthesis are inspired by some stories I've read with the "older ones" whispering in your ear to "jump".

I wrote this very literally as I was waking up.
This is NOT a suicide, in case anyone mistakes the imagary. This poem represents a bit of a crossroad I'm at, at the moment.


Standing at the edge of the cliff
Waiting to dive.
(Its easy. Just jump)
Into the scalding sea below.
The flames. Intensity. Burning.
Hesitating on the edge.
I am so cold. Frozen to the bone.
Looking back on my past to the
Lukewarm tub I left behind.
(Just jump, its easy.)
How long until the ocean cools
And the sea dries up before me
Waiting for me.
To leave me stranded, shivering, on a
Lonely mountain.

Submitted on 2012-01-04 17:03:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  i agree with Matt about this indicating a jumping into something we are unsure of...

my advice would be to leave the description out and let the poem speak for itself...yes, it may be taken as suicide...but then even that would not be literal most likely..more like a figurative one.
the parentheses for the voice work well too...

in the first part it should be "it's easy..."

but yes, this works on many levels.

| Posted on 2012-04-17 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
  The parenthesis (Jump, just jump.) Is really affective here.
It's a voice coming in and out of an inner dialogue, like some sort of instinctual higher-power. A super conscious that knows best.
And what words....just jump.
It does carry a lot of suicidal connotation to it, but as you said, that's not what it means.
It's more like diving into something that you're not so sure of. Jumping is the easy part, once you put all caution to the wind.
Very inspiring.

| Posted on 2012-01-04 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]

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