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Workman (working title)

Author: eowyn
ASL Info:    23/f/australia
Elite Ratio:    5.34 - 238 /174 /86
Words: 87
Class/Type: Poetry /BrokenHeart
Total Views: 988
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 514


I wrote this as a dicipline to myself, to try write from a perspective that isnt my own.

I sort of think of this as someone in a labour intensive job, where the work is so hard it often injures their home lives, like miners.

Workman (working title)

Say hello to your own withered reflection
Staring back at you from the mirror
In the dusk of your own fake night.
Your turmoil not just your own.
You are not the first to feel your pain.
Thousands suffered before, the way you hurt now.
Yours was not the first to be broken
And it won't be the last.
You are one in a million but
You are just a dime a dozen.
Worker, whose wife has left
Because your heart forgot how to love.

Submitted on 2012-01-05 04:31:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  In this day and age of economic and social hardship, this poem is most appropriate. Not everyone will understand the sadness of the "worker", and therefore, this poem might leave them asking for more. For me, I have seen what you speak of first hand...and it is very sad indeed.

For some reason, this poem reminded me of a song by Icehouse called "Angel Street". It tells a tale of a world without care, centered around a young woman that wants the world to notice her (even though she is certain no one will). Youtube's a wonderful little ditty.

I digress...thank you for taking me on a little journey...

| Posted on 2012-04-04 00:00:00 | by krs3332003 | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a little short, and anti-climatic. I believe that there can be a better story here if you expanded upon the emotion. Your readers need to feel the suffering, not just read it.

| Posted on 2012-01-08 00:00:00 | by sageeriol | [ Reply to This ]
  yes this is poignant...and really expresses that feel that one of the pair feels when the significant other is always away matter what the job...the distance between grows.

i really like this, but i don't feel the description is at all necessary...i think the theme in some way comes through without.

| Posted on 2012-01-05 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
  This sounds like an ode to a workaholic, which leaves open the possibility that the wounds (loss of family and loss of wife) could be self-inflicted. There's a song lyric that seems appropriate for the mood of this write: "A man who's beaten to the ground gives the world its saddest sound." Very poignant.
| Posted on 2012-01-05 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]

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