Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Rain (working title)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rev.jpfadeproof
    ASL Info:    27/m/nyc
    Elite Ratio:    6.14 - 366/359/149
    Words: 34
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 483
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 230



    Description:
       another quick wrte per my new years writing resolution. these are quick, off the cuff, raw 1st draft poems...i hope to do three a week.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRain (working title)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Tonight I prayed for rain as I savored you
    through the stellar gossamer of heaven

    savage seraphim spheres that crash
    into the redwoods and feed the roots




    Submitted on 2012-01-05 10:33:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I assume the savage spheres are the raindrops pelting the trees during a heavy down pour. I'm under the impression that you prayed for a passion bordering on violence that would simultaneously saturate and sustain you. That's what I gather from this image. My only nitpicks might be the formatting, but the write itself is quite good.
    | Posted on 2012-01-06 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      I write at least one a day. Many don't make it onto ES. At least not until after a bunch of tweaking. But some I just put up right away and see how they "do".

    I like this piece a lot. The only distraction for me was the use of caps at the beginning of each line.

    I love "Savage seraphim spheres". That's some good stuff.

    Interesting that these fiery creatures would feed the roots of trees. . . strange image. I expected that they would feed on the roots. Or that they would not crash into the trees only then to feed the roots.

    And then the idea of the speaker praying for rain . . . this is very complex for such a short piece.

    Jane



    | Posted on 2012-01-05 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    193837

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Records I written by Raphael
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love written by saartha
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    prison written by ShyOne
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry