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    dots Submission Name: Rain (working title)dots

    Author: rev.jpfadeproof
    ASL Info:    27/m/nyc
    Elite Ratio:    6.14 - 366/359/149
    Words: 34
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 483
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 230

       another quick wrte per my new years writing resolution. these are quick, off the cuff, raw 1st draft poems...i hope to do three a week.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRain (working title)dots

    Tonight I prayed for rain as I savored you
    through the stellar gossamer of heaven

    savage seraphim spheres that crash
    into the redwoods and feed the roots

    Submitted on 2012-01-05 10:33:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I assume the savage spheres are the raindrops pelting the trees during a heavy down pour. I'm under the impression that you prayed for a passion bordering on violence that would simultaneously saturate and sustain you. That's what I gather from this image. My only nitpicks might be the formatting, but the write itself is quite good.
    | Posted on 2012-01-06 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      I write at least one a day. Many don't make it onto ES. At least not until after a bunch of tweaking. But some I just put up right away and see how they "do".

    I like this piece a lot. The only distraction for me was the use of caps at the beginning of each line.

    I love "Savage seraphim spheres". That's some good stuff.

    Interesting that these fiery creatures would feed the roots of trees. . . strange image. I expected that they would feed on the roots. Or that they would not crash into the trees only then to feed the roots.

    And then the idea of the speaker praying for rain . . . this is very complex for such a short piece.


    | Posted on 2012-01-05 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]

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